My aunt doesn't know I masturbate


August 24, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I want to talk to you about a problem. From I was 15, I have been masturbating. I am living with two of my aunts.

Both of them are Christians and we all go to the same church. One day, one of them asked me if I have been having sex and I told her no.

She knows that I have a boyfriend, because I introduced him to the both of them.

When I asked my aunt why she asked me that question, she told me that I am young and I have a young and strong boyfriend. So, it would be strange if he doesn't have sex with me.

My aunt is a guidance counsellor and she told me that girls like me only pretend that they don't have sex, but they masturbate a lot and have lots of sex.

So it is better for me to masturbate and don't yield to the temptation to have sex. Then she asked me if I ever masturbated and I told her yes.

My other aunt doesn't carry on that type of conversation with me. She is a strict Christian. If she is watching a show and a couple is kissing or doing a bedroom scene, she tells me to change the channel or she changes it herself.

I just started to attend college. My boyfriend is three years older than I. He wants us to get married when he is 26. He is not a Christian.

My aunt said I should leave him because he will not wait until I graduate, because he is young and strong and he will want to have sex.

When I told her that I was not having sex it was a lie, because I gave my boyfriend sex when I turned 18.

Is it wrong to masturbate?


Dear I.L.,

You seem to have a good relationship with your aunts. One of them is very open in discussing sexual matters with you. I suppose that is because she is a guidance counsellor.

I suppose if you had told her that you were sexually active, she would have warned you not to have unprotected sex, and might have told you what to use.

One may say that your aunt is trying to help you by asking you whether you are sexually active. Others may say that is none of your aunt's business; she is too inquisitive.

What she could have told you was to make sure that you are not having unprotected sex because you are still in school.

She could have told you to try your very best not to become pregnant, and the conversation could have ended there.

Perhaps your aunt does not like your boyfriend, because she could have counselled you without suggesting that you should end the relationship with your boyfriend. I don't think your aunt is being fair to you.

Concerning masturbation, this is a matter that each one has to decide for him or herself.

Some say that it is a healthy practice, others condemn it. For some people, the temptation to masturbate becomes less and less after a person is married, but for others, the habit continues.

Even when people are married, if their partners are away from them, it is a way to satisfy their sexual urges by themselves.

I will say to you, do not condemn yourself. Be very careful. Do not allow your boyfriend to just have his way with you.

The truth is, you do not know whether this relationship will last and whether he would marry you.

So while I disagree with your aunt for telling you that you must end the relationship with the young man, she is correct in telling you to be careful.


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