My boyfriend doesn't want me anymore


August 24, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am a 24-year-old teacher who is currently dating a 31-year-old doctor. At first, I did not want anything serious to do with this man, but everything changed.

A few months ago, a guy who I was involved with passed away. I was torn apart and heartbroken but this doctor was behind me all the way.

I got raped when I was 14, and from that day on, it was hard for me to trust someone. nevertheless, that didn't stop me from being in a relationship.

A few months ago, I found out that this man wasn't being honest with me. I was in his house, and he has been talking to different women and telling me that they were his friends.

I found out about this when I checked his phone and saw all the messages on Facebook, up to the time they exchanged numbers. I confronted him about it, and he lied.

My boyfriend has a little daughter, and pastor, I am not sure if he is still with his babymother because he keeps lying to me.

I installed his WhatsApp on my computer, and I saw him texting persons asking if they have a man.

But, this is what stands out. He was looking at a new nurse and telling her how his relationship is not good anymore and his life is boring. He asked her if she could invite him to a party.

Pastor, I am confused. I really don't know what to do with this man, and the worst thing is, my family has no idea what's going on because I've been hiding it.

When he gets upset, he says unkind words and calls me all kinds of names, and at times, we even fight. I once took up a weapon just in case he tried to hurt me.

I even mentioned counselling to him, and he turned it down. A few days ago, it got really stressful, and I smoked for the first time, and, I am so ashamed about it because I know that's not like me.

I am really not happy with the relationship I am in, but I really love this man.

At one point, this guy looked at me and told me that I was going to get 'bun' and to stop behaving like a 'side chick'.

Pastor, I have washed, cooked and cleaned for this man since I have been on break from school. And all he does is flirt around and lie.

He has been ignoring me, in that he doesn't want to hug, kiss or even have sex with me. I don't know if he loves me anymore or if he has someone else.

He used to take me out very regularly. Now, I have to be begging him to, and he still doesn't.

I feel like I should cheat, but I really don't want to. I just want the attention from him, and I am not getting it. What should I do, pastor? I need your help.


Dear S.R.,

You should end this relationship. This guy is a liar, and he is not prepared to change. He sees you as a fool, and he has absolutely no respect for you.

The things you do are causing him to feel that he could do anything and you would stay with him. So far, he is correct because you are still allowing him to use you.

There is no benefit in staying in this relationship, none whatsoever. You are working, and you can pay your own bills. I say again, leave him, and do so right away.


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