Mom hates my boyfriend because he's black


August 27, 2018

Dear Pastor,

Good day to you, I am writing to you for your advice. I have a boyfriend and he is treating me very well, but most of my family don't like him.

He is short and dark-skinned. I am of light complexion, and my mother is of light complexion, too. Whenever I talk about him, my mother tells me not to call his name around her.

My father is not brown, but not very black either. My boyfriend is bright. He is 22 and I am 18. He is in university and I am entering very soon.

I am a Christian, but he is not. He asked me for sex and I told him that he should wait. He wants to know for how long. I told him when I am ready I will tell him.

My mother told my father, in my presence, that she believes that I am going to bring home a 'belly' and she is not going to take care of any baby, especially if it were my boyfriend who gave me the 'belly'.

When I checked it out, my mother had her first child when she was 18. Every time we have a mother-daughter talk, she has to warn me about sex.

My sister is only 15 and already she has a boyfriend. My mother is not saying anything about that because the guy is brown and he comes from uptown.

She even has his picture in the room that we share together. When I begin university, I want to stay on campus because I know that my mother doesn't like me and my boyfriend.

So, the best thing for me and my boyfriend is to stay away from her.

I am accepted by my boyfriend's family. I am not a bad girl, but I am unhappy because my mother does not like my boyfriend.


Dear C.P.,

Your mother is a backward woman. She ought to learn not to judge a person by the colour of his/her skin. It's amazing that people continue to be impressed by people of light complexion.

Anyway, years ago it was worse. Thank God very few people can get jobs solely on the colour of their skin or because they are of light complexion.

A person who is educated will get the job over someone who is of light complexion.

I hope it is only a matter of time for your mother to change, so don't be surprised that if your boyfriend does well at university and gets a good job, she will embrace him as her son-in-law.

She would be forced to do so if you are determined that this man is going to be your partner for life.

Some parents seem to believe that it is no big thing when they show preference to a child because of the colour of his/her skin.


But even into adulthood, children remember and talk about it and often resent their parents. I was talking to a colleague some years ago. He was about 50 at the time.

His father was of light complexion and he told me that his mother was of dark complexion. He said his father gave him a difficult time when he was growing up; he didn't like him at all because his complexion was dark.

But when his father became ill, and everybody left him, he was the one who took care of him. I remember accompanying him to see his father and saw how happy his father was to see him.

So, I say to you, love your mother although she resents your boyfriend. You can never tell what could happen in the future.

I don't wish any bad thing to happen to your sister. I hope she would not allow her boyfriend to get her pregnant.

Her mother should not be encouraging her to go steady at the age of 15, but don't fuss and fight with your mother. And don't allow this relationship that you are having with this man to get to your head.


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