Boyfriend won't say he loves me


August 29, 2018

Dear Pastor,

My boyfriend has never told me that he loves me. I have told him many times that I love him, and he responds by saying: "It is good to know." Whenever I ask him if he loves me, he says I should see that for myself. He is very thoughtful. Whenever I am not well, he is always by my side. He cooks, and once I was suffering from the flu, I could not go to work. I was on leave. He washed every piece of my clothes. I did not know that he would do so.

My sister had promised to come to the house to wash, but she didn't show up. So, my boyfriend took over and washed and cleaned. Friends told me that was his way of saying that he loves me. I talk to him about how I feel about him, but he doesn't say anything.

One day he slapped me on my mouth, and when I asked him why, he said I was talking too much during sex. I can't help it. I had forgotten that another couple was in the room next to us. I know he does not have any other women in his life, but he is always on the phone talking to friends. I know all his friends.

I would like to get married, but whenever I talk about marriage, he tells me that he is not ready. He is 25 years old, and I am 24. We do not have children. Even when I have on sexy-looking clothes, my boyfriend will not say anything. One day, his friend came to the house and saw the way I was dressed and shouted: "Wow, you are sexy." My boyfriend just gave him an ugly look, but he said nothing. He did not say anything to me, but he turned to his friend and said: "Do you want to rape her?" I mentioned it after his friend left, and he said nothing.

I know he loves me because he takes care of me, but I would love to hear him express it to me.


Dear M.D.,

Why are you insisting that your boyfriend tell you that he loves you? As a counsellor, I encourage couples to tell each other how they feel about each other. But some men find it very difficult to say "I love you," except during sex. But even during that occasion, some men would never say these words. Women love to hear 'I love you' all the time. But here is a man who has done everything for you. You became ill and was in bed for two weeks, and he took care of everything. You didn't say that he bathes you, but I'm assuming that he did. He cleaned, washed and cooked for you.

There must be a reason why this man does not tell you that he loves you. Perhaps you would expect too much from him. What more can he do for you? My suggestion is that you accept this man as he is. And if anytime he feels that he ought to say 'I love you', accept it, but don't harass him at all.


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