My kids don't want me to have a man


September 13, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I need your advice. I was married for more than 20 years. My husband died 10 years ago, and since then I have not looked at a man that way. Men have tried to develop a relationship with me, but my children will not allow it. There is this man who comes to my house that I like, but he is not educated. My children are educated, so he is not accepted.

I am finding it harder and harder to live without a man. I thought that by now my sexual feelings would have gone away. But they are not yet dead. I am ashamed to tell you what I do to satisfy myself.

My children may see this letter and figure out that I am the one who wrote it. My husband has left me in a lovely home. And these children think that this man who is coming around is doing so because he wants a free house to live. I don't know how to tell him not to come back, because when my children are not here, he keeps my company. And by that time of the night my little grandchildren are asleep.

I don't want anybody writing to me because it has taken me a long time to give him a chance in my life. But we have not had sex, and he is not fully in as yet because my children are against him. So, tell me what I should do, Pastor.


Dear B.N.,

I am sure that your children do not want you to get involved with another man because they feel that a man would not treat you as well as their father did, and they are concerned that he might benefit from you by living with you for free.

Children are not always wrong. Yes, it is true that sometimes they behave as if they are controlling their parents. But they have to protect their parents' interest. Your children don't see you as a person who needs a male companion. They believe that as children, they are around you and you should not be lonely at all.

So often I have had to deal with cases like yours. And the children always say to me that their parents should keep quiet and their days for sex are done.


This man who is interested in you should be told the truth. You should not fool him. You should let him know that nothing that you have will be shared with him and that you are not interested in getting married again. But if you are interesting in remarrying, your children should have a big say in it.

You know that your body is not dead. You still have feelings for a man. Your children don't understand that. So you should call a family gathering, and when all of them are around, you should express to them how you feel and tell them what you want out of life. I wish you well, but please don't do anything that will bring a rift between you and your children.


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