His mother called me a mongrel


September 17, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 20. I am friendly with a man who is 25. He is the only child for his mother. Anything we discuss together, he tells her.

He told me nothing is too private for his mother not to know. I jokingly called him a 'mama's boy' and he was upset.

When I met him, he wanted to know everything about me, including how many boyfriends I had. I told him that I had five boyfriends, but I only still spoke to one.

I am going to college, but sometimes it is really hard on me financially. He was helping me to pay my rent; one day I was late with the rent and he said he was thinking of moving in with me.

I told him it would be better for me to move in with him because, in that way, we wouldn't have to pay rent. He said he would discuss it with his mother.

She said that she wouldn't have any objection.

I had my own bed and dresser along with a few other things which I gave to one of my friends to keep. Soon after I moved, his mother wanted to treat me as if I was her helper and I objected.

My boyfriend and I had a fuss and his mother joined in the argument and cursed me. She told him to get rid of the "mongrel".

I was so hurt. From that day I stopped talking to her. I left the house the following day and went to stay with my friend.

I can't say that this guy has not tried to help me. Before I moved to his mother's house, he made sure I had food.

Only one thing he required of me - to keep myself clean and to give him sex whenever he wanted it.

Now, I am withholding sex from him and I have not slept at his mother's house since the incident. I told him he cannot look to me for sex. He should go and look for a pedigree.

I told a former boyfriend what happened and he told me that I should come and live with him. I am thinking about it, pastor, because my present boyfriend and I are not getting along.

He is still taking up for his mother and saying she called me mongrel because she was angry. I am not eager to go and live with this other guy because since we broke up, he got a girl pregnant.

I need your advice.


Dear F.T.,

I can't encourage you to continue the relationship with your boyfriend. You called him a mama's boy and he is behaving like that indeed. I am sorry that you went to live at his mother's house.

I know you were trying to cut down on expenses. Some parents don't know that they ought not to get involved in their children's relationship.

She went too far when she called you a mongrel. I can understand how hurt you were and why you don't want to continue to live in her house.

One can say that her son has not done you anything wrong, so you should not break up with him.

But you and her would never get along. It is unlikely that she will ever encourage him to marry you. So, I would say to you, move on.

The question is, how are you going to support yourself? Should you go back to your former boyfriend?

At present, you are 'bouncing' with the friend you gave your furniture. If it is convenient for you to stay with her, do so and help her to pay her rent.

That may mean you would have to get a part-time job. You are a college student, so it is going to be very difficult for you, but nothing good comes easy.

I am not going to encourage you to renew the intimate relationship you had with the other young man.

Right now, you should take a break from men and focus on your schoolwork. You can always lose on men, but you can't lose on education.


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