My husband called me stink


September 20, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 37 years old, and I have a daughter. I am married, but my husband is not her father.

Before we got married, my husband told me that he would not want my daughter's father to come to his house.

My husband is 50 years old, and this is his second marriage. We agreed that her father could come to the gate to pick up his daughter and bring her back in the evening.

That has been going on fine. My daughter loves her father, and her father loves her.

My husband doesn't have any children of his own. He wants my daughter to call him 'dad'.

I told him that she should call him 'uncle' instead because she cannot be calling two men 'dad'; we had a fuss over that.

He is offended by everything my daughter does. One afternoon, it was raining, so her father came to the gate.

My daughter did not have an umbrella, so she took his umbrella to meet him at the grille. My husband saw him and started to curse.

He cursed me so much, and he called me 'stink'. This is a man who is a lay preacher at his church.

I used to say that I would never send my daughter to live with anybody. She is 15 years old. But now, I am thinking of having her stay with my sister who has a daughter of the same age.

It was not the first time that this man called me stink. I cannot take it anymore, and my daughter is here, and her father is supporting her well.

We don't have to spend anything on her, and I am working. I don't need anything from this man.

We don't own anything jointly. I was the only one who saw good in him when he asked me to marry him. Everyone in my family is against him.

What to do you think that I should do, Pastor?


Dear F.M.,

Without a doubt, your husband is not a good man. He has a filthy mouth. He feels that he has the right to say whatever he wants and to treat you as a doormat. You have to stand up for your rights.

He does not want your child's father to come to his house, but you got married to him, and you agreed that he could pick up the child whenever he needs her.

But he is such a silly guy. Even when it was raining, he didn't he want the man to come to the grille to pick up his daughter. He has to be a very, very foolish man.

Your daughter should not call this man 'daddy'. And I would say to you that you should seriously consider whether it makes sense to continue living with him.

I suggest that you tell him that you want to see a family counsellor to deal with your problem.

I hope that he agrees. But, if he doesn't, you know that the alternative is to seek the help of a lawyer.


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