My girlfriend is too 'ghetto'


September 21, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I have a girlfriend who is very hard to get along with. She doesn't listen to me when I talk to her. She is 19.

She likes bad company. I met her at an event and I admired the way how she danced. They had a dancing competition and she won.

She really knows how to dance. She doesn't come from a nice area. That was not my concern when I first met her, but now I am beginning to wonder whether I made a mistake by getting involved with her.

The types of guys that she hangs out with are not the good type. She says everybody cannot be like me.

Pastor, I know that, but she is 'brawling'. She doesn't do drugs, but some of these guys fool around drugs.

I have been with her for two years. She is the first girl that I had sex with and that is part of the reason why I find it hard to walk away from her.

I tried to do it twice and she found me and reminded me that she was my first. She is living with her mother and aunt and they love me. Sometimes I go to see them on a Sunday.

I live with my parents. I am their only child. My mother told me that my father used to have a girlfriend before they got married and the girl got pregnant, but my father said that the child was not his. My father said he is not owning what is not his.

My parents said that everything that they have is mine, so when I am ready to have a wife, I must choose wisely because they would like to know that somebody good is going to inherit what they have.

I am attending university and her aim is to attend university, too. She said that she only talks to the guys and none of them had sex with her.

I don't know if she is telling me the truth, but I hope she is. I told my parents about her, but I don't want to introduce her to them until she has changed her ways.


Dear L.R.,

Go easy on this young woman. Both of you come from different backgrounds. You are a privileged young man; this girl is not.

You are evidently from a middle-class home. She probably comes from a dysfunctional home.

But both of you are in a relationship that can be beautiful if you can connect. You don't have to have money to have a good relationship.

Love is the number one component and if you love each other, you would learn how to treat each other.

You say that she is not listening to you and I suppose you mean that whatever you say, she should do. Now, that's the mistake that you are making.

She has her own opinion and you have to respect it. If she is very 'brawling', then she will have to learn how to conduct herself.

But, again, I say love is the number one criteria. The Bible says that love covers a multitude of sins. Of course, if this girl is grossly immoral, you should end the relationship.

You don't like the type of friends she keeps and you have a right to talk to her about them, because these friends would lead her into trouble. She should understand that.

Make sure that you don't have unprotected sex with her because if you do, you may get her pregnant and then bring added burden to her parents, and you may have a great responsibility on your hands to care for a child.


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