I gave up my virginity within a few days

Dear Pastor,

I am 22 years old. I am the provider for my family. I went to the US for the summer, and I met this guy who is 34 years old. I was really attracted to him, like I had never felt for another man. Although my mother advised me not to have sex, after a few days, I gave him my virginity, and I enjoyed having sex with him.

Now, I'm back in Jamaica, and we are maintaining a long-distance relationship. He told me that he loves me. I love him too, but I'm hesitant because he has financial issues. He doesn't work, he went to prison for three years, and he has three children but only supports one. He doesn't talk to me in detail about these financial issues, but I have observed them. He always tries to give explanations, but I don't think they make any sense.

He constantly talks about things being stressful and wanting to get things together then marry and file for me. But, my mother said I'm wasting my time talking to him because without a job, he can't file for me. I don't think he is searching for a job hard enough. I need someone to help me because I don't want to be poverty-stricken all my life. I am currently unemployed, and whenever I ask him for money, he says he doesn't have any, but will help me soon.

Should I be patient and wait for him to get things together, because money isn't everything? I am confused. I really love him, but my decisions impact my family, and I was raised to believe a man should be hard-working. But I think he is not trying hard to get a job and just sits around the apartment all day. I don't want to get married and then regret it or become the nagging wife always telling him to go get a job.

What should I do, try to encourage him, or just end the relationship?

A.T.

Dear A.T.,

You are going to regret, if you have not done so already, that you did not listen to your parents, particularly your mother. She saw you heading in the wrong direction and warned you, but you did not listen, and you have become involved with this man who has made a fool of you. He lied to you. As we say in Jamaica, he "fooled you up". You believed what he said. You saw him as a grown man and a person who would take care of you (which young girl wouldn't want to know that there is a man who is willing to take care of her?).

So, you went after what offered you. And he abused you. He took advantage of your naivety. He knows that you are not employed and not even attending school, and here he is telling you that he has no money to give to you. He is a very wicked man. Therefore, you have to end the relationship with him right now.

I am really sorry to know that you got emotionally and sexually involved with him. So, you must give him up right now. Pray and ask God to help you. Write me a letter telling me what kind of work you can do because you need to get a job to help yourself. My prayers are with you.

Pastor