Young lover left me because I didn't buy him a car


October 25, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column for a long time. Your column is my favourite in the paper. I want to ask you for your advice. I am 50 years old. I am a widow. My husband died leaving me in a good position. He left me in a house that was paid for. He was a builder. We did not have children, and both of us saved our money. I was alone for two and a half years after he died, but I got involved with the driver who takes me to the market, the bank and anywhere I want to go. When he showed me that he was interested in me, I told him that I wasn't interested because I didn't want anymore men in my life. Every week he was in my skin, so I decided to give him a try. He is 35 years old.

I invited him to church, and he started to come. Then he said he wanted to get baptised. I decided to watch him, because there are many young girls in my church. Some of the older women ask me about him, and I denied that we were having a relationship.

One day he asked me for a loan, I told him that I could not give him a loan. He said he would pay me back. He explained that he wanted to buy a different car, and if I didn't want to give him the loan I could buy the car in my name. I did not give him the loan, and I told him that I did not want to buy a car. Suddenly, he was not interested in me anymore and stopped attending church. He even started to tell people that I am putting questions to him and he doesn't want me.

I am a decent woman, but I must tell you that I did have sex with him. However, I refused to let him have my money, and that is why he is finding faults with me. I don't need him to take me to the market or the bank anymore, and I blocked him from my phone.


Dear R.T.,

If you had given this man your money, he probably would never repay you. He never loved you. He was only with you to get your money. You have not lost anything by running this man out of your life. The only mistake you have made was to allow him to have sex with you. You can forgive yourself for doing so.


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