Grandma forced me to find a 'brown man'


November 01, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I have been reading your column from I was a child. I was living with my grandmother and she was a higgler at the market.

She used to buy THE WEEKEND STAR and I used to go and meet her at the market. Every time I went on weekends, she had THE STAR, but I never thought that I would have to write to you.

I got pregnant when I was 19. My grandmother pushed a guy on me. I didn't like him. He was brown and I am dark-skinned.

My grandmother told me that with my complexion and his complexion, we would make beautiful children. One day, this guy and I had sex in the market.

We did not use any protection. When my grandmother realised that I was pregnant, she spoke to the guy and he told her that she didn't need to worry, he would play his part.

My grandfather was not happy about the situation. I have tried my best to love my babyfather, but the love I have for him is not as strong as the love I have for another guy, who was my first boyfriend.

He is a big man, twice my age. I could be his daughter, but I love him. My babyfather only takes care of his child and if I need something, I have to ask him.

This other man gives me money without my asking him. He has a truck and he moves goods from place to place. He wants me to leave my child's father and live with him.

He was married, but he and his wife broke up and he is getting a divorce. My grandmother knows about him, but he has never come to our home.

I have to go to his home and sometimes I sleep over, and my grandmother is very upset when I do so.

I am on the injection because I am afraid I might get pregnant again. Pastor, I write to you for your advice.


Dear T.D.,

I am sure that your grandmother loves you and wants the very best for you. When she told you that this light-skinned guy and you would make lovely children, she meant no harm.

There are many people who believe that their children who are of black complexion should marry persons who are of light complexion. I hear that many times. They are brainwashed.

I used to hear a man say to a guy who could be described as half-white, that he shouldn't be in certain type of work because it didn't go with his complexion.

In other words, low-income jobs should be done by black folks and people with light complexion should work in offices.

It is unfortunate that you got pregnant for a man you do not love. You knew you did not like him, therefore, you should not have had sex with him. I hope he would continue to support his child.


He is the type of man who doesn't believe in giving women money. I believe that you should try your best to get a job so that you would be able to help to support your child and yourself.

This man with whom you are having a relationship is married, but is in the process of getting a divorce.

Although he wants you to come and live with him, I believe you would be making a mistake to go and live with him.

If you were to go and live with him, he may become too comfortable and he may not be in a hurry to marry you.

You probably heard men say, "Why buy a cow when you can get milk free." You will be required to have sex with him and to do anything to please him when you live with him, and he would be under no pressure to marry you.

I urge you, therefore, to go back to school. Try to get an education or learn a skill so that you don't have to depend on a man.


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