I won't cope if my relationship ends
I'm writing to you to because I feel burdened. I'm 22 years old, and more and more I find myself filled with hatred for people, especially those who have hurt me and turned their backs on me. I don't have a good relationship with my mother, and I've been through many hard times. She only contacts me when she wants favours. She doesn't support me in anyway but always asks me for money, and not once does she ask if I'm OK or if I'm struggling and need help.
Out of everyone, she has let me down the most, because I know I'm a good daughter. I have a job; 13 subjects, including CAPE; I represent my country; and I didn't end up being a teenage mom. Yet still, I feel achieving so much wasn't enough for her to help me in ways I know she can.
I am planning on starting university by taking a student loan and try my hardest to save and see my way through. But it's as if money always disappears from my grip. I worry a lot, and I wish I didn't, because it stresses me out and makes me depressed, and I don't eat or sleep properly. I'm always tired, and the simplest of things irritate me. And no, counselling hasn't help. Maybe eternal rest will.
I'm also with this guy, and I love him with everything. But I found out many times that he messages other females, and they send him nude pictures. He flirts and talks to them as if they are together. He admits that he probably does it because he was hurt in the past, but now he is hurting me. I'm afraid he might just end up doing something very wrong. I try my best to support him and be a good girlfriend, and this makes me very insecure. I cry all the time just by having the thought of not being 'enough' and that one day we might just have to part. I know I wouldn't cope. But, I want to know why it's so easy for people I care about, and love, to hurt me like it's nothing.
What do you suggest, pastor?
I am going to tell you straight. I believe that you are a good young lady. You did not experience parental love, but you have done very well in school and you need to be proud of yourself. You have made mistakes, but you have to put these mistakes behind you. I believe that one of the biggest mistakes that you have made is to have this young man as your boyfriend. You will have to end the relationship with him forthwith. He is nothing but baggage. You can do without him. You are only 22.
This guy does not care for you. He may tell you that he loves you, but he is not speaking the truth. If he loved you, he would not cause you grief. So, you must stop believing as if without him, you cannot survive. Put God first in your life. Ask God to lead you. Plan to attend university. Yes, borrow the money from the Student's Loan Bureau and go to school. I repeat, put God first. Pray, read your Bible and go to church.
I hope you are not living with this man, but if you are, leave him. Your mother could pull you down. So, don't allow her to discourage you. Keep in touch with me. God bless you.