My man is seeking a woman to be his babymother


November 13, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am writing to you from the depths of my heart. I've been praying lots about this, and I am still not sure what to do. I am 20 years older than my partner, and I'm past the childbearing age. We do love each other and want to make our relationship work, but he fears that he may be alone in his old age after I pass away.

To this end, he wants a child. He also feels pressured by his peers to have a child. He does not want to leave me, but even for the five years that we have been together, he has always had other women he would talk to. It's no one in particular, but a string of them. It's one after another like he's auditioning them for the job to be his babymother.

I am thinking a lot about Sarah in the Bible who was willing to give Hagar to Abraham for the purpose of giving him an heir. I don't know if I have the same strength. I want him to be happy, but the constant wooing of other women, even if it's for a purpose,

is constantly hurting me. It feels like it's breaking

my spirit.

I'm fearful and depressed most of the time, and I find it difficult to enjoy even good times with him. I'm terrified of the future. I'm considering leaving him so he can find a future with someone capable of giving and raising a child with him.

For my part, I am having suicidal thoughts to get out of his way. I used to believe that love conquers all, but I don't want to end up a cranky and miserable old woman. So for now, I try to grin and bear it while my heart breaks a little more each day as he tries his best to make me feel comfortable. He's not one of the soft kinds. He gets annoyed and uncomfortable when I cry from sheer frustration and hurt. He thinks that since he has not physically touched anyone but me,

he is not cheating yet. So he doesn't understand

my struggle.

On a different note, cheating is very common in Jamaica, but I haven't come here to be cheated on. I came because I believed I had found a decent man and a wonderful culture to live in. I didn't take the age difference lightly, but he seemed mature enough and well settled in himself. I am a big woman, but I fell hard for him.

With all the travelling back and forth, presents, etc, over the last three years, have I spent almost all my savings. So I'm broke inside and out now.

Please, Pastor, give me some advice on what to do. Is surrogacy a possibility in Jamaica, and if so, how could we find a suitable match? His idea is to meet and date someone, get her pregnant (hence cheat on me) but continue to live with me. He wants to take care of the child but expects the child to stay with the

mother. I am confused. How he does he think that would work out? But his reasoning is that divorced couples share the children all the time.

Shall I stay or leave him? I am praying hard for God to grant me my own child and to grant me a miracle.

Thank you for your time. God bless you.


Dear K.V.,

As I see it, both of you love each other, and if this man does not have any children at all, and you are quite

willing to have a child but you know you have passed childbearing age, both of you should adopt a child and raise him or her as your own. Argument done!

You are broke, so you need not think about, surrogate mother. My prayers are with you.


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