My babyfather disowned me and our son


November 15, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am a Christian woman and I have one son. I had him when I was 17. I struggle with him because the man who got me pregnant disowned him.

My father was upset when I got pregnant. But although he was a deacon in his church, he did not listen to the church members. They laughed at it.

While I was pregnant, my father couldn't preach again, because the people asked how could he preach to them while his daughter was pregnant and she wasn't married. I couldn't go to school.

I hardly went on the road. I was so embarrassed.

The man who got me pregnant was very prominent. When I gave birth, I didn't give the child the man's name. I went back to school and my father bought everything I needed. My mother kept the baby every day.

When my son was five years old, his father wrote me and told me that he was sorry for what he did and he was ready to support the child.

My parents did not agree for me to take anything from him. I am so proud of my son now because this is his last year in university. Sometimes when we go out, people think we are brother and sister.

His father got married to a woman who is much older than he is and they don't have children. My son knows him, but he does not talk to him.

My son knows that his father did not accept him while I was pregnant. My son will have nothing to do with him and he does not want his name to change.

I have already forgiven his father although he caused me, at one time, to hate all men, but I am now engaged to a wonderful man. It has taken me a long time to trust men again.

My son was not in favour of me getting married, but I told him that I am ready. He said that he would take care of me. I love my father so much.

My child's father was the first man for me and he got me pregnant the first time we had sex. I feel that God is punishing him by not allowing his wife to have children.

What do you think?


Dear C.H.,

I am sorry to hear that the man who got you pregnant refused to accept paternity. But, I am happy to hear that your father stood by you and supported you.

It is not unusual to hear that some churches discipline the parents of young girls who become pregnant. It must have been very embarrassing to your father, but he suffered the embarrassment and supported you.

This man who got you pregnant came back to you after five years and was willing to accept paternity. Some people would say that he should have been forgiven and allowed to support the child.

But you and your parents felt that when he was needed, he did not stand by you.

I congratulate your parents and you for supporting your child and for raising him well. Your parents sent you back to school and helped to nurture your son.

It must have been tough on your parents, but I am sure you are very proud of him now. He has done well.

I am glad for you. You have now found a man that you love and trust, and I hope that your son will accept him.

He does not want to see you hurt, that is why he is reluctant in accepting this man. He has grown up without the love of his biological father. Your father is the one he knows.

Grandpa is everything to your son. If in the future he feels like forgiving his father, he may do so on his own and at his own volition.

I can't say that God is punishing this man for not having any more children. I wouldn't go that far. I wish you well as you get married.


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