Madly in love with a lying, cheating man


January 14, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I have been with a guy for almost two years. We have a child together, she's almost five months.

In September, I realised he has been communicating with an ex so that led me to search his phone and hack his WhatsApp. I saw messages that he sent to a classmate of his and deleted the messages. That seemed very suspicious.

The messages made me break down into tears and made me felt as though I couldn't trust him. That was not the first time he had cheated. He had done so four months into our relationship and I basically ignored it.

He said she was nagging him for it, so he just gave in so she would stop. What an excuse! He had to stop from school for a while because he didn't have the money. He loaned a friend of his money and his friend refused to give him back; and he also said that he did it to help with the friend's baby.

Therefore, I suspected that due to that he wouldn't be seeing her often. But he will be continuing school in September, which means he will be having contact with this girl. Who to tell, if he will not be continuing this relationship with her?

I confronted him about the WhatsApp messages I saw and also a sex video, which was sent from his phone when I was five month pregnant. His response was 'it was someone from a past encounter' but it was sent during the weekend he should have been in school.

The video showed him having unprotected sex with this girl. The video only showed the sheet on a bed, her legs, her bottom and an item on the floor. I was then faced with a critical decision of what to do, so I checked out her Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn because I felt compelled to message her. And I also wanted to confirm if she was the one in the video.

To my surprise, the images of the girl had the same skin type as the girl in the video. After I confronted him he knelt before me and lied, but he had a guilty look on his face so I knew I had to get more information. Thus, I continued the hacking occasionally. In December, I noticed that he started texting someone else, there was no name; just a number.

So, I monitored the messages until I read a message and had to respond pretending that he was responding to her.

I later found out that the number was for the same classmate. He had her number stored in his other phone. I spoke to someone about it who said I should not call the girl and I should remember my daughter. What I remembered was me telling him days before Labour Day that I wanted him to come with me to a church function and him taking her and some other alleged classmate to a strip club and hotel over night on the girls birthday and I remember how much that hurt.

He did something that stood out in my mind when he came back; he placed his clothes in the washer. I decided I would confront him so I hacked the phone and he woke up in the night and discovered what I did. I could tell he knew what I did because he paused twice before coming back to bed. He only said I should stop.

Since he already knew, I used the opportunity to ask about the number. He pretended as though he didn't know of the person. I just got specific after and told him who it was and he's ignoring the matter ever since. He claims that he doesn't want to speak of anything negative.

I made no apology. I suppose he wasn't sorry. Each time he touches me all I see is the video. I need your advice on what I should do. I am so stressed. I cry when I'm alone and I am angry. I love him. I have a daughter by him, but this is not how I wanted my life to be.


Dear S.J.,

This man believes that he can fool around with other women as long as he wishes to do so. He is not really in love with you. He is a big liar. If you were to carefully analyze what he has told you, you would see that he is giving the impression that it is the girls who are after him and he is trying to facilitate them.

Even if you continue to search his phone, etc, that would not help the relationship. It would hurt you more because you are going to continue to see things in there that he is doing. You have to make up your mind whether you wish to continue this relationship or not. And, if you were to continue, how would that help you?

I would suggest that you seriously consider leaving him. You did not say whether or not you are working. If you are not employed, do your best to get yourself a job.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories