He wants me to abort the baby he asked for

July 22, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I'm a 31-year-old woman. I recently found out that I'm pregnant. It's now at three weeks and some days. I've been seeing this guy since 2012. The relationship was complicated. I know some persons would say I shouldn't have got involved with him in the first place, but I fell in love with him, and he also said he was in love with me.

Years passed by and the relationship got more complicated. I found out that I wasn't the only woman he had. He was always telling me he wanted me to have his baby, and that he would take care of everything and that I wouldn't have to worry. I always laughed him off. But in 2016, I finally felt like I was ready, even though my house wasn't finished and still isn't. He then told me he had some things to take care of, so he wasn't quite ready for another child.

I am very stupid when it comes to this guy. There are so many times I told him it was over and I tried to move on, but he would always find his way back into my heart. He always says that I'm a good girl, and that I'm not like most girls. He said that I'm ambitious, and he has never heard my name linked to other men.

He's now married to a Jamaican musician who is living in America, and he is waiting to go away. He told me in 2013 that he had a business relationship with her and it was intimate, too. He said that he invested a lot in the music and that whatever she made, half would be his.

He tried to explain, and even begged me not to leave him or hate him. He told me that he didn't want to lose me, but he also couldn't stop seeing her. I stopped talking to him, but he eventually sneaked back in.

He told my friend that I was the most understanding girl he has ever been with, and he messed it up. I did believe he loved me, and I eventually ignored what he had with her.

In 2016, after I told him I was ready for the baby, I found out that he got her pregnant.

I decided that I was done with him. If he didn't contact me, I wouldn't either. But by October 2018, he came back. He said he knew he messed up big time, and he doesn't want me to hate him or us becoming enemies. He said he would like to talk to me to explain things to me. My mom begged me not to go, but I did. That night he lied, saying that he wouldn't try to force me to have sex with him. He poured his heart out trying to put light to all the things he'd done, but in the end he literally raped me, even when I was crying my eyes out.

While I was away, I heard that he got other kids, too. My friend sent me a baby picture. I asked him about it, and he admitted, but with more excuses.

Over the years, he always threatens that if he sees me with another man, he's going to hurt us both, and that it's never over until he says so.

Things never really got normal after that. He has been asking me if I still wanted to have his baby, and I kept saying no. He asked if he could come inside me one night, and I said no because I'm not taking any more pills. He told me that I didn't have to, but I still insisted. One night three weeks ago, he was talking all sorts of things. He kept saying he wanted us to have a baby, and it's going to be a girl and that she will not be short of anything. That night he came inside me, and we discussed if we were going to try to have a baby or if I would take the pills.

I asked him what he really wanted, and he said it's two people involved, so I should think about it and he would do the same.


I found out I was pregnant the following week. I told him I was pregnant, and he said it was not a good time for him.

I was so hurt and confused. I went straight to the doctor to abort it. The doctor immediately asked if I knew it was illegal. I started crying right away. I've never felt more foolish, stupid, used, and betrayed.

The doctor said it was too early, so I would have to come back in three weeks time. I told him that I couldn't wait that long because I have to travel in two days time for work. He said he was sorry, he couldn't help me then.

A part of me wants to do the abortion and a part of me doesn't. My two friends say I mustn't do the abortion, but this heartless monster wants me to.

He told me that he was leaving soon, and he doesn't want me to be alone with the baby. I told him I'm not aborting it, and he said he won't be a part of it.

I need help and advice, please.


Dear K.S.,

You are an educated woman, but you are not a wise woman. You have allowed yourself to be used by this good-for-nothing man. I may disappoint you, but I cannot encourage you to terminate the pregnancy. Carry the pregnancy, and if this man does not give you child support, take him to court. Be assured of my prayers.


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