Husband left me for a younger woman

December 04, 2020

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 and I have three children. My husband left me for a much younger woman. In fact, this girl could be his daughter. I am under stress. I have taken off so much weight.

My husband has declared that he doesn't care if I die from stress. This man has a good job and he knows that the children are trying to do well. Two of them are at university, but almost everything is on me. He hardly helps them. His young girlfriend would just call my number and laugh, then hang up.

Pastor, I am a Christian. I did not do anything to cause this man to leave me except that I insisted that he should not run around and come to have sex with me 'bare back'. We had a joint account. He went into the account and took out all the money. I suspected that he gave the money to his girlfriend.

When we were together, I found condoms in his pocket and he was not using the condoms with me. I was in the US for a short period, and when I came back and went into his car two years ago, I found hotel receipts. I asked him about them. His reply was that I was not around and he needed a woman. I asked him what about when I was around. He did not reply.

My eldest son looked at me one day and said, "Mommy, why are you stressing out yourself when daddy doesn't show any type of stress on him? Why don't you go out and have a good time?"

Pastor, even with all that this man has done, I have never gone with another man; sometimes I wonder how it would feel. I called him to wish him a happy birthday and he slammed the receiver down. He only talks when his children call him. I don't know what this young girl has over me.


Dear C.E.,

Stress and depression are two cousins and when a person is stressed, he or she is digging his or her own grave. It seems to me that your husband has turned his mind against you.

He has found a young woman who is making him very happy and he sees you as a fool, wasting your time on him. He is very happy. Although his happiness is temporary, he is behaving as if it will last forever, but it will not.

You are doing a wonderful thing by writing about your problems. You have mentioned what is causing you to be under stress. We could, say in one or two sentences, that it is because of your husband's behaviour and you are engrossed in the struggles to carry the load of the family, while your husband is having an affair with his woman.

You have not said anything about divorcing this man. Would I be out of order to suggest it to you? Perhaps you are still hoping and dreaming that he would leave that woman and come back to you. The question is, how long would you wait? How long should you wait? Is it not time for you to assert yourself?

You should not blame yourself for anything, not even this man's behaviour. You should begin to thank God that he has allowed you to raise your children without this wicked man.

But it is wrong for you to believe that you should undergo this stressful condition for the rest of your life. There must be a better life awaiting you. Your children are old enough to understand what is going on. Talk to them about how you feel about yourself and about your marriage, and come to your own conclusion.

I want you to be happy for the rest of your life. So find yourself a counsellor who has had some experience and talk over these matters, because, soon and very soon, you are going to have to face more crises as an old woman. You have much to give, but you have to solve your problem first. It is time to put this man behind you and embrace the future with confidence.


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