I am getting to dislike my son

Dear Pastor,

I read your column every day, and I am also a fan of yours on radio. My husband knows that whenever I am listening to you on your show, I do not want him to disturb me. When my husband is not around, you are my company. You raise important topics.

I have a problem that I would like to bring to your attention. I have three children, but only one is for my husband. My first child is 15 years old. He does not get along with my husband. He is very close to his father, and is always talking about him. I could not get along with his father, and so that is why we broke up. However, his father has told his children lies about me. My daughter does not believe him. This man told my children that while we were married, I used to have other men and that is why we broke up.

My 15-year-old son mentioned that to me, and I told him that I will pack his things and send him to his father if that should ever come out of his mouth again. I never went to another man while I was married to their father. But their father was a gambler and he was always at the racetrack. He also spent a lot of his money on other women. There were times when I could not pay the children's school fees and my brothers in America had to help me. But he said it was because I had other men why we broke up. However, it wasn't true.

My son was even rude to the man I am with now. He once said that he believed that this man and I were together while I was married to his father. Could you believe that my son would be so out of order? But I know he got that from his father. I am getting to dislike my own son because of his rude behaviour.

I asked one of my brothers, who is a teacher, if he would take him. He has not given me an answer as yet. I know that I cannot manage this young man, and I don't want to get myself into trouble by losing my temper. Kindly give me your advice.

P

Dear P.,

I suggest that you impress upon your brother, who is a teacher, to help you with this young man. Level with your brother. Show him why you do not want him to live in the same house with your husband and the other children. At the same time, it would not be wise to give him over to his father, because you know his father is not a good man. This boy needs guidance. He is disrespectful and if he is not taken in hand, so to speak, he will not have a very good future.

It must be very painful to hear your son saying these bad things about you. However, the day may come when he would regret treating you with disrespect and may ask you to forgive him. Right now, he needs a man with a firm hand, and perhaps your brother would be able to help him. He does not respect your husband, so male relatives of yours should be able to assist you.

Please, don't give up on your son.

Pastor