Tired of taking care of his mother


December 11, 2015

Dear Pastor,

I am 26. I have one child and I am living with my boyfriend. He is working, but I am not working. His mother has two of them. His brother lives in America, but he does not care about his mother. She is sickly, so she is living with us. When he was planning to take her, he asked me whether I would mind her living with us and I told him no. I did not know that taking her to live with us meant that I was going to be tied down to take care of her. I find it very hard and if I say anything to my boyfriend, he says I complain too much. Because of that, I don't say much to him.

He takes care of me, my child and his mother. She doesn't need anything, but if she has to go to the doctor and he can't take her, I take her in a taxi. It is very hard for me. When I told my boyfriend that I want to go back to school, he said if it is money I want, he would give me money to stay home. I don't want to stay home. I want a career. I can't sit here like this. My boyfriend does not want to hire anybody to help with his mother. She can tidy herself and move around a little, but I have to do all the cooking, cleaning and washing, but she is not my mother. Pastor, is this fair?


Dear Y.P.,

I hope you won't make a big issue in the situation in which you have found yourself. Evidently, you have a very good man. What you should try to do is to cooperate with him and show him much love, but continue to pour out love on his mother. She would encourage her son to treat you right and not to get involved with other women. She would accept you as her own daughter and talk you up to her son. And every woman needs the support from the mother of her man.

When mothers-in-law don't like their daughters-in-law, that is big trouble because sons who love their mothers seem to put their mothers before their women. You know the old saying, "I can always have another woman, but I can't have another mother." You appear to be a very good woman and you think highly of your man, but it is anatural for you to feel tied down and under stress, especially now that you want to go back to school.

Perhaps your boyfriend does not want to leave his mother alone during the day. Therefore, I would suggest that you tell him that you would go to classes during the day, say from nine to one, and during that time, someone could stay at the house with his mother until you get back. Don't suggest that you would go to school in the evening. I don't think a reasonable man would be against his woman going to school if proper arrangements can be made.

Don't be tempted to tell this man that unless he agrees for you to go to school, you are going to leave him. Don't make that mistake. I wish you well. Let me hear from you again. Take care of the relationship and do your best to take care of his mother. Treat her as you would treat your own



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