My boyfriend treats me like a queen, but I don’t love him

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and I have been in a relationship with a man for about a year.

I was living with my parents, but I had to leave after I became pregnant. The man who got me pregnant was a friend of my mother. When my father realised that I was pregnant, and he questioned me about it, I lied. I had already agreed with the man to terminate the pregnancy. The man gave my mother $100,000 for me to get rid of it because he is married and did not want his wife to find out that he had a child with me.

I had the abortion and then I left home. My father called me a murderer when he realised that I did an abortion.

I ended up living with my boyfriend. He is 30 years old, and he treats me very well. I will be starting college in September. The problem is that I do not love my boyfriend. I am trying my best to love him, but the true feeling of love is not in my heart. At the same time, I know that I cannot do better. Since we have been together, I have not cheated on him, but he is doing his best to get me to love him.

I am still in love with the man who got me pregnant. He told me that if anything happens between him and his wife, he would divorce her and marry me. I have kept away from him because I do not want his wife to know that we are still talking to each other. How can I get this man out of my mind?

G.

Dear G.,

Your mother should not have encouraged you to do an abortion.

I must state clearly that it cannot be said that your mother is a good mother. She wanted money from the man who got you pregnant and she was not considering your spiritual well-being. I am going to get back to your letter, but I must make this point.

Some years ago, a young lady came to me; she told me that she had been raped. I asked her whether the incident was reported and she said no. I asked her why and she said that the man who raped her was a well-known businessman in the community and he gave her parents money to silence them. They took the money and kept their mouths shut. They told her not to say a word about the rape. But she has never forgot what the man did to her. So, sometimes parents can do things that affect their children for life.

You will always remember that this man got you pregnant. But he was a friend of your mother who gave her $100,000 and she had you terminate the pregnancy. She is not a good mother. Readers might say that I should not declare her as a bad mother, but that is how I see it. You are now living with a man who is doing his best for you, but you say that you do not love him. In other words, you are using the man. One of these days he will find out that you don’t love him and he is going to chase you out of his life. I hope you understand that.

Pastor