My mother gave me to the wrong brother

by

August 14, 2018

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 years old, and I am having a problem that I would like to share with you. I am living with my mother and step- father. My mother has three of us, and growing up, I was always told that 'such and such man' was my father, but that man never supported me. When I was three years old, my mother got involved with the man I call my stepfather. This man has supported me all along. I know he is not my father, but to me, he is. He has never abused me in any way. I love and respect him.

My mother is a very attractive woman, and her relatives always curse her and tell her that he has taken up an ugly-looking man. Her friends always wonder why she has taken up such an ugly-looking man. My stepfather always likes to brag about her.

Now, I am told by people on my father's side that the man who I think is my father is not really my father. They have told me that his brother is my father. When I heard that, I was surprised. So, I asked my mother about it one day when we were alone, and she asked me who had told me that. I told her, and she said I should never let that come out of my mouth again. I promised her that I would not tell anybody what I was told. She said, "not everything good to eat good to talk."

One day, I asked a friend what that proverb means and she said that one should not reveal everything one knows or hears.

I have not got an answer from my mother. I am hoping to hear what she has to say. From my understanding, my mother had relations with both brothers, and when she got pregnant, she wasn't sure which one of them had caused it. She gave me to the wrong brother, and that is part of the reason why he did not support me when I was growing up.

When I was graduating, I asked my mother if I could invite the man whose name I carry and also his brother. I did not get a straight answer from her, but she mumbled something like, "Then I would not have to come."

Pastor, do you think that I should go back to my mother about this problem. It is bothering me. I don't hold anything against my mother. If the man I thought to be my father is my uncle, I would like to know. And if it is the other way around, then I would still like to know. I would like also my children to know who their correct grandfather is.

Another thing that is on my mind, Pastor, is whether my stepfather knows the truth about my mother. Who did she tell him is my father? And would I be stirring up trouble for her?

- V.O.

Dear V.O.,

I am sure you don't want to do anything to embarrass your mother. But if your mother had unprotected sex with both brothers and became pregnant, she would not have known which one got her pregnant. She took a chance by calling the wrong man's name. I am sure she was hoping that it was he who got her pregnant.

If you are from rural Jamaica, you wouldn't be surprised that the people in the community knew long ago that you are not the daughter of the man you believed all these years to be your father. In fact, you have come to know that because people have been saying it in the community. And your mother has not denied it. But you have to look at it as something that happened long ago and cannot be undone. On the other hand, you have the right to know the truth.

You are an adult, and your mother should tell you the truth. Things like that have happened many times. Some women are very careless and, for reasons better known to themselves have had sexual intercourse with both brothers, and sometimes, even cousins of brothers. If your mother does not raise the matter with you, go back to her and tell her why you wish to know. Assure her that you do not wish to embarrass her, but it would give you a peace of mind to know the truth. Is this man's name on your birth certificate? If the answer is in the affirmative, you may consider getting it changed. The Register General's Department can advise you on how to go about that.

Pastor

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