My J'can lover doesn't want to migrate


August 30, 2018

Dear Pastor,

This is my first time writing to you, and I hope you can help me. I have been reading your column since I have been coming to Jamaica. I am not Jamaican, but my boyfriend is. We are planning to get married very soon. The problem that I am having with him is that he is not against marrying me, but he does not want to live with me in America. I have a good job in America. I love Jamaica as a place to visit, but I am not even sure if I could get a good job in Jamaica. I know that I would not make the amount of money in Jamaica as I make in America.

Whenever I am in Jamaica, I am very comfortable with him, but I don't like to go out on my own because of the violence here. His sisters accompany me wherever I am going if he is not available. I have a boyfriend in America, and when I first met this man in Jamaica, I cheated on the guy in America. I come to Jamaica often, but my boyfriend in America doesn't know that I'm involved with a man here in Jamaica. He thinks I come here to visit my distant relatives. If my boyfriend in Jamaica would agree to marry me and to live with me in America, I would tell the guy in America that we have to part. My boyfriend in America trusts me a lot.

This Jamaican guy is not a full Rasta, but he has some Rasta characteristics, and he got me to start smoking marijuana. I don't smoke all the time, but I have come to the place where I have to have it a couple times per week. Every time I want to have good sex from him, I take the weed. I told him that if he does not make up his mind to live in America by the end of December, we will have to break up because my boyfriend says anytime I am coming back to Jamaica he will have to come with me. So, please, tell me what to do. I enjoy reading your column.


Dear C.P.,

I am glad that you love Jamaica, but I cannot encourage you to play around with two men at the same time. You are going to get hurt. You have a man in America and you are giving him the impression that you love him, but at the same time you are very much in love with a Jamaican man and you would marry him if he would agree to live in America. He is not interested in doing so, and you are not willing to give up your job in America.

I get the impression that one of the reasons why you really want this man is because of his ability to excite you in bed. He has gotten you to love marijuana. You say it gives you a boost when you use it before sex. If you don't stop fooling around with this man in Jamaica, your boyfriend will eventually find out that you are a two-timer. He has already told you that he is going to start coming to Jamaica with you after the end of the year 2018.

The question is, what do you really want out of life? You ought to realise that not every Jamaican wants to live in America. Some people foolishly believe that everybody wants to live in the United States of America. They are wrong. I urge you to make up your mind. It's either you are going to keep quiet with your boyfriend in America, or you tell him the truth about the young man here in Jamaica.

I am not even sure that the guy in Jamaica would trust you, because right now he might be seeing you as a cheater, and he might be wondering if you will cheat on him if both of you were to get married. So, stop fooling yourself. Jamaican men are not as foolish as you may think. But they would use you for as long as you want to lie down with them.


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