Babyfather has me all confused


January 10, 2019

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 years old and I have a daughter. She is 15 years old. Her father and I continued to talk because of her.

But we had an understanding that there would not be any bed works together. I left him because he was having a relationship with another woman. He used to deny it until the woman got pregnant.

One day, he picked up my daughter from school and the woman called him, and my daughter could hear most of the things the woman was saying to him, including that she didn't have any money and the child needed pampers.

My daughter asked him who he was talking to, and he said that it is his new babymother and he was going to stop at the pharmacy and buy pampers for the child. He stopped and bought them before dropping my daughter home.

I asked him about it, but he said he was not sure that he is the father of the child. Then he asked me if we could make up because he still loved me, and he did not like the type of life he was living and he wanted to turn over a new leaf for 2019.

I don't know what to do. Since we broke up, I have gone to bed with only one other man. But this new boyfriend has a babymother also.

I would like to get married, but I don't know if I should accept my babyfather's proposal.


Dear R.F.,

You should encourage your child's father to have a paternity test done to ascertain whether or not he is the father of the child.

If he is indeed the biological father and you are convinced that he has made a mistake and you are still in love with him, and you believe that he is in love with you, then both of you should go and see a family counsellor.

You should, however, bear in mind that some men are liars and that this man might be saying things to you that he knows you would like to hear, and at the same time he does not mean what he says. You might have told him that you would like to get married, so he might be using marriage to hold you. That is where a family counsellor might help.

He knows that your daughter heard what he was saying on the cellphone. The question is, would he have told you how he felt if your daughter did not hear him on the cell phone?

Would he have admitted that he had another child? You see, I am trying to say to you that you should not be in a hurry to accept what this man says. You seem to be making big mistakes in your life.

Your child's father went out and had an affair with another woman and has a child with her. Evidently, he is not giving the woman enough money to buy what she needs for the child.

If this man wants to settle down, why is it that he wants to settle down with you and not with his new babymother? I am curious.

Could it be that he feels that you have been faithful to him all these years and there is something special about him? Or is it that he wants to get back at you, or to have you and the other woman? I don't know.

You said that you are having a relationship with another man, but he has a babymother. What are you going to do about him? Are you just going to walk out and forget him?

Your child's father is in the same situation. These guys are mixed up. Is it that you are after money? Do you think if you were to marry your daughter's father you would get more money out of him?

He said he is not sure that the child the other young woman has is his biological child. What if the DNA test proves that it is his child, would you still marry him?

Think of the questions I have asked and tell this man that you need time to make your decision.


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