Want to divorce my cheating wife

Dear Pastor,

I am a 29-year-old Jamaican, but I am living in the US. I left Jamaica from I was 10. I went to high school in America. My parents love this place. Well, I should say that my mother loves America. My father does not love it as much as my mother. From the time I was a child, my father was saying that he hoped that the day would come when he would return to Jamaica, which he called his homeland.

As a family, we have done well. I have two sisters. They have good education and good husbands. I got married five years ago, but my wife is not a good woman. It didn't take me long to discover that all she wanted from me was money. We have one child together, and she is insisting that I give her more for the child. I try my best to be home soon after work so that I can help my son.

My wife was always going out, and her best friend told me that my wife was involved with another man. I reminded her that my wife was a Christian and she said what she was telling me, Christianity had nothing to do with it. She sent me pictures of my wife and the man kissing at a party. I showed it to my wife and she could not deny that it was her. She said it was a New Year's Eve party and at midnight, everybody on the dance floor had to kiss the person they were dancing with, and that was what happened there.

While she was out, I was home with my son. She never returned home until daybreak. How can I trust this woman? I have tried to save, but my wife didn't believe in saving. She spends a lot. We used to live in a condo, now we are in a four-bedroom house and the mortgage is very heavy. I would like to have another child, but my wife is not interested in getting pregnant again. I don't know whether you believe in divorce, but I have been thinking about divorcing this woman because I have lost trust in her. I have met a young woman from Puerto Rico and I really love her. My father is encouraging me to divorce my wife and to marry this young woman. She takes time to help me to learn Spanish. I am struggling with it, but I find myself spending more and more time with her.

I went to see a counsellor and I told him that I suspected that my wife was cheating. He is a Christian and he told me that I did not have enough proof, so he could not give me his blessings. I asked him if that meant I would have to see a man on top of my wife before I divorce her. He said he did not say that, but I should try and make up with her. How do you make up with a wife after seeing her French kissing another man?

K.G.

Dear K.G.,

I regret hearing that you and your wife are not having a good relationship, and that you believe that she is cheating on you.

I believe that you are an intelligent man and you will not accuse your wife of cheating if you had seen a man kissing her on her cheek. A kiss on the cheek is far different from a French kiss. That is very intimate and carries a different meaning. No one can engage in a French kiss causally, and I think that is what is bothering you.

You spoke to the family counsellor, and he suggested that you try to make things right with your wife because he did not believe that you had enough grounds to divorce her. Nowadays, one does not even have to give reasons for filing for divorce, except on the grounds that the marriage has irrevocably broken down.

I do not wish to tell you what to do. You do not believe that this woman loves you any more. As I see it, you don't love her any more, either. You have already established a new relationship with a girl from Puerto Rico. I think you are moving too fast. Perhaps you should ask your wife to join you in another counselling session before you see a lawyer and file for divorce.

Pastor