My boyfriend is not too bright


January 17, 2017

Dear Pastor,

Congratulations on the wonderful work you are doing. I am 29 years old and my boyfriend is 26. I have been to college, but he has not.

He grew up in a rough neighbourhood, but he has a trade. I have been in the church from the time I was a child. I was once engaged to the son of one of the elders.

He got into trouble with another girl, so we broke up. She accused him of raping her, but people believed that it was consensual sex, and so did I.

He refused to marry her because he was already engaged to me, but I could not come to marrying a man who lied to me. He was not loyal, so we broke up.

Now, this brother, who is in the church and who is not educated, has always liked me. I have ignored him for a long time, but I don't think I can ignore him anymore.

We started out as good friends. He used to do favours for me, such as going to pay my bills and buying groceries (not with his money, but with mine).

He was never too busy to assist me. I took time to pray about him. When he asked me to be his friend, I told him no because I know that he is not on my level. He has never asked me for sex.

I am prepared to tell him that I have had sex with my former boyfriend whom I thought I would have married. I hope that it would not be a shock to him.

My former boyfriend hoped that we would get back together, but it will never work.

So I have two problems. One, my boyfriend is not educated, and two, I am older than he is. My parents were never married and they are not living together.

My boyfriend is trying his best, but when he is among my friends, he hardly talks.

Do you think that I should leave my church because of the relationship I had with the elder's son?

My present boyfriend thinks that we should find another church. I would like to hear how you feel about this matter.


Dear A.R.,

If you are in love with your present boyfriend, hurry up and get married. Your former boyfriend messed up, so to speak.

But at 29, you may feel like time is running out on you. So although this man is not educated and he is not in your league, get married if both of you love each other.

You don't have to be bothered about what people would say. And you are only three years older than he is, so that is not any big thing.

I am sure that you would like to have children before you get older. So marry this man. Find a family counsellor and go for counselling sessions.

I do not see why you should change your church. If you love your church, stay right there.

However, if your boyfriend would prefer that both of you go somewhere else to worship because he is uncomfortable in your church, then you should consider doing so.


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