My wife doesn't want to have sex with me


January 19, 2017

Dear Pastor,

Good day to you. I am having a problem. I am 39 years old and I am a Christian.

I have been married for five years, but it seems as if I made a mistake or I got married to the wrong woman.

I have three children. Two of them I got with another woman. My wife has one for me.

My wife is very worldly. She doesn't go to church and she doesn't encourage the children to go. I encourage them to go to church, and sometimes tell them that if they do not go to church and serve God, they are not going to do well in this world.

Sometimes for an entire month my wife and I do not have sex. At other times I have to quarrel and threaten her that I am going to leave and hit the road.

If I want sex she pushes me away. Sometimes she sleeps at the other end of the bed in her jeans shorts.

I am tired of asking her what is wrong. She doesn't have a good answer to give me.

I can't say that she has another man. When she is at home, her cell phone hardly rings. And if it rings, she says it is one of her girlfriends.

I have been faithful to this woman. I know that I can get women, but I don't want to go with them.

Someone told me that my wife would love to see me go with another woman so that she can accuse me of cheating on her.

I know that you are going to say that we should go for counselling, but we went to see my pastor. And she told the pastor that everything I told her is a lie. How could a woman be so wicked?

When we came home from seeing the pastor, I tried to have sex with her, and this time she allowed me. But to punish me, she lay on the bed like a log and told me to hurry up.

Pastor, do you think that she has another man? I await your reply.


Dear L.D.,

What your wife is doing cannot be described as normal behaviour from a wife towards her husband.

Perhaps she has lost interest in you and she lacks interest in having sex with you. Has she ever questioned you about your hygiene?

You say that at times she wears jeans shorts and she sleeps with you head and tail on the bed. If she wears jeans shorts to bed and she is not seeing her period, she is sending you a message.

And you should know that she doesn't want you to try to remove her shorts or underwear. If you attempt to remove her shorts, hell will break out in the bedroom.

It is a great insult for a married couple to sleep head and tail. So, my friend, your marriage is in trouble.

Your wife lied before the counsellor, and she continues to make a fool of you. She is not interested in the relationship.

It would have been good if she had told you why she got married to you and whether she wishes to stay in the relationship.

You have not said that you are contemplating divorce, but I suggest that both of you go to see another counsellor, perhaps someone who is not as close to you. Maybe she would speak the truth before him or her.

Try your best to resist the temptation of having an affair with another woman. If your wife refuses to cooperate with you, you might have to consider seeing an attorney.


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