My man's mother insists that I get pregnant before marriage


January 21, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 21 years old and my boyfriend is also 21. Both of us are Christians. My boyfriend lives with his mother. He told her that he would like to get married. She asked him if he was crazy. She told him that he was too young to get married, and he shouldn't mention anything about marriage to her again.

She also told him that when he reaches the age of 26, he should consider getting married, and he must get me pregnant first because he does not know if I am really a woman.

She is a hypocrite because whenever she sees me, she greets me and calls me daughter-in-law. She says that she is proud of her son and the fact that we are together. She also said I should try and behave myself and not get involved with any other man. I told my boyfriend that he should remember that both of us are in church, so we should not listen to what his mother is saying. He says that he is not going to listen to her.

Every week we have sex. He knows that I am a woman. She should not have told him that he should not get married to me because he said that she suspects that he is having sex. He is the first man for me. He had a girlfriend before he came into the church and met me. His mother sings on the choir.

Every second Sunday, he comes to our house for dinner. He is a handsome man, but that is not the reason why I love him. I love him because he is trying his best to be a good Christian. He told me that we can get married and not tell his mother anything because he is over 18.


My older sister and I are living together. My parents are living in the country. I took him to meet my parents and they like him. My older sister, with whom I am living, is not a Christian so she spends most of her time at her boyfriend's house.

I am really worried. How could a mother tell her son not to get married until he is 26, and that he must make sure that his partner is a woman and that she can get pregnant before he marries her? I am waiting on your advice.


Dear E.F.,

You and this young man have been having sex and both of you have decided to get married. His mother should counsel both of you but not discourage him from getting married. It is true that both of you are young, but that does not mean that you are too young to get married. The Bible says that it is better to be married than to burn with passion.

The advice that his mother has given to him is not a good advice. On the other hand, I would not suggest that both of you get married secretly without informing her. He should tell his mother that he respects her, but he has to reject her advice.

Both of you should go and see your minister and talk to him about getting married. You should do counselling sessions with him and set a date for your marriage. Shame on his mother for telling him to try to get you pregnant before marrying you.


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