I bit my boyfriend for demanding oral sex

by

January 23, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 19-plus and I have a boyfriend. We are living together. He is 27 years old. He is working, but I am still going to school. He is a businessman and I assist him with his paperwork, because I love to do accounts.

I am having a problem with his ex-girlfriend. She will not leave him alone. He told her that the relationship is over, but she hates me, because she said that if I didn't come into the picture, they would still be together. He took her with one child, but they don't have any children together.

She is very vulgar and talks loudly, while he is a soft-spoken person. He asked her to leave after they were living for six months. They broke up and I came in to the picture. She believes that we were friends when she was living with him, but that wasn't so at all.

We have been together for one year and four months. My parents like him. I came to live with him to ease the pressure at home. There are seven of us living at home, but there are only two rooms. This man came to my home and asked my parents for me. My father said that is not something that guys are doing nowadays, so he had no objection. I am of age.

I'm having serious problems with my boyfriend. When it comes to sex, he is very demanding and he likes to have his own way. He likes when I do oral sex on him. One day, when he forced me, I bit him but it was not a big bite. He slapped me and told me that I knew that that is what he likes, and if I don't like it, I should go back home.

I begged him pardon, because I did not want to hurt him. I will never go back home. Life is much better for me now. I like when he does oral sex to me, but he wants me to do it to him all the time.

Please tell me how I can get this relationship to last and not do all the kinky things he wants me to do. I would like us to get married and go to church.

C.W.

Dear C.W.,

I suggest that your boyfriend and you learn to communicate better. Right now, it seems that you are at the mercy of this man. You say that you are from a poor family and this man came into your home and asked your parents to allow you to come and live with him. They agreed, but they would not have done so if you hadn't told them that you loved him.

I am not suggesting that this man is not a good man; evidently he is, and it is not unusual for a man at that age to be highly sexual. Many girls are like that, too.

He likes to do, as you describe it, kinky things and you are struggling to please him. You made a big mistake when you bit him. It wasn't, according to you, a big bite, but a bite is a bite.

Whether it was big or small, he considered that you disrespected him. You might have found that hilarious but, to him, it wasn't. You were playing with his manhood and that is not funny.

I think I am going to disappoint you by telling you that I don't think this man is going to stop doing what he likes to do.

He should know, however, that you are not happy in doing certain things in bed. Therefore, he should not force you, but evidently he is hoping that you would change and try to do everything to please him.

You enjoy what he is doing to you but you don't want to reciprocate, and therein lies the problem. I wish I had the perfect answer to give to you, but I don't.

Perhaps what both of you need to do is to sit with a family counsellor and talk over these problems. Evidently, both of you love each other and I hope that he would assist you in going back to school. Both of you are young and can have a bright future together. Both of you must respect each other, but I go back to what I said in the beginning; you have to learn to communicate. Right now, you might not be talking to this man straight, out of fear that he may leave you.

Concerning his ex-girlfriend, ignore her totally. She is no threat to you.

Pastor

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