My old husband can’t manage me anymore, I want sex toys


January 24, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am only 60 years old, but my husband is 75. Both of us are Christians. I can't understand my situation. My husband has slowed down when it comes to sex. I can understand that he only wants me to cuddle him, but cuddling him is not enough for me. I want more ,but I have never cheated and will never cheat.

I went to a club meeting. We were all women, and the youngest woman was 50, and we were all discussing relationships, sex, old age, and pensions. It was a good discussion. The women were all Christians and the consensus was that we should buy sex toys to help ourselves and not cheat because cheating can destroy a good relationship.


I know that my husband would never forgive me if I cheated.

I only have three girls. I don't have sons and all three are close to their father and I can't imagine how they would look at me if they found out that I cheated on their father. My three daughters are married, so we take turns in going to visit them because all of them are abroad.

My husband and I decided that we should ask you how you feel about people like us using sex toys like the dildo or vibrator. My husband is so loving, but he can't manage me these days. So please tell us straight whether you agree that women like me should use the vibrator to keep happy.


Dear B.V.,

Look what you are putting me into now! You want a straight answer from me. You want to know whether it is right for a married woman, and I suppose all women whether married or not, to use the vibrator, or any other sex toy for that matter, to meet their sexual needs.

I wish I didn't have to answer, but it would not be fair to you if I were to keep silent. You ladies discussed this problem, and evidently, the other women in your group felt very comfortable using the toys, but you still have doubts whether it is right or wrong.

Your husband and you have discussed this method of pleasuring yourselves. As a woman, you know your needs. You are not an old woman. You are not on the shelf, so to speak, so what are you going to do?

I would say to you that if your husband has no objection to your using sex toys, I would be out of order to tell both of you not to do so. Both of you know why you believe that the vibrator might be of help to you.

Ordinarily, I would not encourage a young woman to use the vibrator because her husband should learn the proper techniques of love making to satisfy her and to bring her to orgasm. And if a young couple begins to use the vibrator, the wife might become dependent on the vibrator to bring her to orgasm instead of on her husband.

No man, regardless of how good he is at making love, can create the type of sensation that a vibrator can bring.

However, at your age and with the sexual dysfunction that your husband is experiencing, a vibrator would be of tremendous help. It would increase your sexual fulfilment. Perhaps what your husband would need to do when you have purchased the vibrator is to use it on you instead of allowing you only to use it so that it does not become mechanical.

I believe I have given you the answer you were looking for.

I could say more, but space doesn't allow me to do so. Remain faithful to your husband. Before I go, however, may I suggest that your husband should not give up seeking help. Perhaps he should see a urologist. Some men are able to have sex even in their 80s, so he should not give up.


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