Was I wrong to get married?


January 30, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 23. I'm having a problem and I hope you can help me. I don't even know where to begin. I was living with a man for two years and then I became a Christian. He is 35.

My pastor told me that we would have to separate because I could not be in the church and be living in fornication.

I spoke to my boyfriend and he decided to marry me, but he did not want to attend that church because they make too much noise and criticise everybody.

When I told my pastor what he said, he encouraged me to leave him. I told him that I could not leave him because he means everything to me.

The baptism took place, but I was not included. I got married and some of the members are telling me that I am unequally yoked and that God is going to punish me for marrying a man who is a non-believer.

Pastor, I used to live a terrible life as a young girl. I got pregnant twice and threw away the pregnancies. I was also raped.

This man gave me a room and employed me as his live-in maid and he saw that I could cook and clean and that I was able to wash his clothes and iron them.

He said to me that he has a woman, but she lives in America and that people told him that she is cheating on him, but he has no proof.

So if I were interested in him, he would tell his girlfriend in America that he has met another woman.

I did not know what to say because his brother came to the house one day and told me that since I started living there, he has been admiring me.


I never had sex with him, but he fondled my breasts. I told his brother that he should give me time to make up my mind.

So, Pastor, I had two men who are brothers liking me at the same time.

When the brother came to see me, I told him that our friendship would not work. He asked me why, but I didn't tell him. I told him that he would hear.

He tried to hold me, but I resisted him. I never told the one I was working with that his brother was interested in me. That is a secret of mine up to this day.

I have never had to beg this man for anything. Whatever I need, he gives to me. I did not do well in school and he is sending me back to school.

Do you think that the church has any right to tell me that I should not have got married to this man? I am now attending another church and my husband comes with me sometimes.


Dear R.B.,

I don't know why the pastor of the church you were attended insisted that you could not marry the man with whom you were living.

This man and you were living in concubinage. You did not meet him after you became a Christian and you knew him to be an unsaved person and you were a Christian.

You made a conscious decision to marry him, but the relationship was already going on when you became a Christian.

When he agreed to marry you, as you said, the pastor should not have objected and the members should not have told you that it was wrong to marry him.

The church ought not to condemn anyone or keep out those who wish to be a part of its membership due to their petty doctrines.

I am glad that you are serving the Lord and I want to encourage you to continue doing so.

I hope that you would find much joy worshipping with the people at your new church. I wish you well.


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