Healing from a break-up

March 29, 2016

Okay, so it's post Easter, which should be a time of renewal and commitment to those we love, and I hope that some of you got that in amid the sprat and bun and cheese.

I am responding generally to those of you dealing with break-ups. What a time for it, though, but life goes on. On a factual note, though, the world is full of people with broken hearts, broken spirits and broken relationships.

The pain of a broken relationship involves a very real sense of personal loss, and I have read your letters. To answer your question of how long you will hurt, well, most research indicateS that it takes about half the time the relationship existed in order to heal from the pain. Even then, many persons carry a portion of the painful memories for longer periods. So, time does help.

Here is my advice. In time, it is absolutely vital to put the pain behind you and move forward with your life and love. Otherwise, you are giving away your power to the people who hurt you. Sometimes the relationship you need to rescue is the one with yourself. Moving past a break-up is about you, not your ex. So, define your real intentions. Are you trying to move past the break-up, or are you hoping to get back with your ex? You won't move on until you've accepted that the relationship is over.




Now, I know it's hard, but if this was one where you were mostly unhappy, it wasn't healthy for either of you. So, please don't embarrass yourself or put yourself in a situation where you'll look back and feel humiliated. Driving past your ex's house, making dozens of phone calls, emailing or WhatsApping non-stop is no way to let go of the past or come out with your head high. And by the way, some relationships are meant to go. They are like gangrene killing you slowly, so this is no time for CPR; leave the pulse alone, don't check it! Just let it die.

Do an inventory review; companies do it every day. Highlight the reasons that the relationship was less than perfect, and during times when loneliness sets in and the reason why the relationship ended may not be so clear, it may be helpful to review your thoughts from a more focused period.

It is also important to make time for the healing process. Everyone has intrinsic value, and none of us can be replaced by another, so take your time. Whether you care to admit it or not, that person did mean a great deal to you at one time. You honour the love that you shared by validating the relationship as a worthwhile experience.

Too often, we are encouraged to be 'strong' and keep it all inside. This method only serves to keep the former loved one on your mind and keep you frustrated.

There needs to be a grieving period. Grief is a process to go through, not a destination in which to wallow. It's a process in which you keep putting one foot in front of the other, and each little step is part of your healing from a broken relationship.

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