My husband is minding a 'jacket'


January 12, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am very unhappy in my marriage of 20 years. My husband has betrayed me by being responsible for another woman's child, which I am sure doesn't belong to him.

Each time I talk about him getting a DNA test done, he refuses as he doesn't want the woman to think he didn't trust her.

He claims he has dignity in supporting her as he was sleeping with her for years and he has never seen another man at her house.

Her ex has seen me and apologised for what he claims to be an unfortunate situation as he wasn't ready for any children of his own but had fathered her daughter.

Now my husband is supporting his child but this woman isn't short of anything, so she doesn't have to be in another relationship.

I have confronted my husband so many times, but he doesn't believe me whenever I tell him about what she is doing.

I have made attempts to confront her, but I was asked not to as I would get her fired and he would have to support her family and mine.

He is already drawing back on my house money to make sure his outside means are met.

Now he has taken up another woman where he works, but he warned her about my visit to him every day and that she must act as though she doesn't know him when I am around.


His co-workers have advised me to get a divorce as his habit of sleeping around will put my health at risk.

I am in a job that can support my kids and I, but though I want to leave my husband, and have mentioned it to him several times, it's like something keeps holding me back.

I don't have any intimate relationship with him and it's hard for me to go out there as I am afraid, and don't trust the men who claim they love me and want me.

My body is calling.

What do I do? I feel like I am going to go crazy.


Dear Confused,

Unless a DNA test is done, and the results show that your husband is not the biological father, you cannot be sure that the child is not his.

You said that you are sure, but you ought to stop saying that because you are only speculating. Your husband has accepted the child as his own. Therefore, you should leave him alone.

Judging from what you have said, your husband has not been very careful, but you have been harassing him too.

Perhaps he is not guilty of some of the things you have said, but he wants to live in peace with you, so he is not willing to have a fight with you.

Why do you have to be talking to this woman's ex? Do you really believe that he would say good things about his former wife?

I doubt he would, and you would be wise not to discuss your husband with him. If your husband is such a bad man, you must really love him to stay with him.

Why do you go to his workplace so often? Are you trying to watch your husband? If you want to discuss relationship problems with your husband, it would be better for you to wait until he gets home.

I do not wish to insult you but it appears that you are discussing too many things about your husband with people and embarrassing him.

If you were not chatting up with other people, they wouldn't have to tell you that you should divorce him. These people are not family counsellors. They should mind their own business.

I suggest that you and your husband make an appointment to see a counsellor. I wish you well. I would be praying for you.


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