My mother doesn't want my boyfriend to buy me gifts


January 16, 2017

Dear Pastor,

Please give me your fatherly advice. I am the fourth child for my mother. My mother gave one of my sisters away. My sister gets new clothes all the time. Most times I get hand-me-downs. The clothes that she doesn't want, my mother gives to me. When I complain about that, she says that I should remember that my father doesn't give me anything and that my sister's father gives her new things, so I should be satisfied.

I am now 17 and I have a boyfriend who can buy me things. He bought me a cellular phone and my mother took it away. She was going to destroy it, but my stepfather told her not to destroy it because it was expensive. I told her that it is my boyfriend who bought it for me. She said that the next thing he is going to do is ask me for sex, because men are not giving away anything for nothing.

My boyfriend bought me a lovely pair of pants and some blouses for Christmas. I have to be hiding them at a friend's house. I am afraid to take them home. My friend says if I don't take them, she is going to wear them. They are new and I don't want my friend to wear my clothes.

Do you think what my mother is doing is right?


Dear E.N.,

Children wear their siblings' clothes all the time. You seem to be upset because your mother has got into the habit of giving you hand-me-downs and you are not getting anything new from her. Younger children complain about this all the time. If you were getting some of your sister's clothes occasionally, it wouldn't be so bad, but that is happening all the time. However, you should give God thanks that these clothes can fit you and you can wear them proudly.

It is unfortunate that your father does not support you. He is a worthless man. You have told your mother the truth about the cell phone. I am glad she did not destroy it. You should tell your stepfather about the clothes you have as gifts from your boyfriend, and that they are at your friend's house but you are afraid to bring them to your house. These were gifts for Christmas from your boyfriend. Ask your stepfather to appeal to your mother not to destroy them. Your mother is likely to say that she told you not to accept gifts from this young man, so you should take them back. If she does, sell them to your friend and put away the money.

You are 17 years old; you will soon be 18. At 18, you would be considered an adult, and hopefully your mother's attitude towards you would change. Try and build a good relationship with your mother. Perhaps she is being overly protective because men, like your father, have not treated her well, so she does not want you to fall into the same rut.


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