I'm 18 and can't find a good man


February 02, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 years old. I'm from a good family background. I'm a good team player and I associate myself well with my colleagues.

At the age of 16, my mom said that I should introduce my boyfriend to her. But at the time, I didn't have any boyfriend because I was focusing on my CXCs.

At this point in my life, I believe that I am comfortable enough to introduce her to a boyfriend. But I can't find a good boyfriend someone that's loyal, honest, trustworthy, etc. I'm currently going to evening classes because I don't want to sit at home and become unoccupied.

I await your reply.


Dear A.B.,

I wonder why your mother felt that she should ask you to introduce your boyfriend to her. Did she suspect that you were sexually active, so she wanted to know the man?

At 16, your mother should not have given you the impression that it was all right to have a man. She should have been encouraging you to hit the books hard so you could do well in your CXC examinations.

I am cognisant of the fact that many parents encourage their teenage daughters, even before the age of 16, to go out and seek men who would help to support them. Shame on these mothers, but it is true.

I am happy that you concentrated on your lessons. I wish you had stated how many passes you got. But whatever happened, I am glad that you have ambition and that you are continuing to go to school at another place.


From the very tone of your letter, it seems to me that you believe that having a man in your life, now that you are 18, would make you feel that you are a woman and that you should socialise more with the opposite sex.

Evidently, you have met some guys and they have dated you, but you discovered that they are not the type that you wish to associate yourself with. That is why you are saying that the type of man you wish to have must be loyal, honest and trustworthy.

You need to wait on the good Lord and don't throw yourself around to men. You will find one if you exercise patience.

Remember that you are only 18. There are many more years to go before you settle down. You should aim high. Get a good education and a good career so that you would not have to depend on any man.

And by the way, sometimes when a girl has a good career it helps with the type of man who would marry her.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories