My husband is a serial cheater


February 03, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a Christian American woman who has been in a relationship with my Jamaican man for nine years. We have been married for five of those years. We have three beautiful children together. I love my husband with all my heart, but I recently found out through texts, phone calls, etc., that he has been cheating. From what I know so far, it has been three women, although I'm certain there are more. I've confronted him many times about this, but he denies everything and claims they were 'just talking'.


I don't believe him. He promised me that he would never do anything to jeopardise our marriage. Less than a week later, when I was at church, his friend came by and brought a female friend with him. The next day we got into a huge fight because I caught him telling the guy he wanted to 'hit' on the girl. God must have known to send her to him.

Pastor, I am good to my husband and I have never given him any reason to go outside of our marriage. I have a lot of good Jamaican men who are my friends, but they are womanisers and they have big egos. Knowing how big their egos are, my husband would never confess to such a thing. Sometimes I feel like he doesn't care that he hurts me so bad.

Unfortunately, for myself, I cannot move forward without him coming clean. He says he loves his family, but sometimes I question if he got married to me for the right reasons.

My question to you is: Why would my husband want to hurt me in such a horrible way and how can I get him to confess?


Dear J.L.

You say that you have been with your husband for nine years and both of you love each other, but now the trust has been broken. You believe your husband has other women because of what you have seen and heard. You are absolutely sure that he is cheating, according to you. How can you be sure about the number of women?

Your husband has not denied that he talks to a lot of women. However, are you trying to say that because he talks to a lot of women, he is having affairs with them? I am not defending your husband. I cannot do so, but you need to be careful not to accuse him of any wrong unless you can prove that he is guilty. You suspect that he is having affairs with three or more women, but you do not have proof, and not having proof is going to put you under lots of unnecessary stress.

Having said the above about not being able to prove that your husband is cheating, it is difficult to understand what your husband meant when he said he wanted to 'hit' on the girl who came by with his friend. Was it just 'man talk' or did he mean that he wanted to go to bed with her?

I think you have enough concerns to make an appointment for you and your husband to go and see a family counsellor. I believe that you mean well. I believe that you want your marriage to last. I also believe that although you might be jealous, what you are experiencing is more than jealousy. Your husband might be taking you for granted, so tell him that you are willing to go to see a family counsellor to save your marriage.

Before I go, let me mention that some men just like to 'big up' themselves. They don't mean a thing. All they have is talk. They lie on themselves and say how many women they have when, in truth, they can't even manage one. Why would your husband mention that it is God who brought this woman to him? That is utter nonsense. It must be bar talk.

Anyway, you know that you are a good woman. If you were to threaten to leave him, he would cry like a baby and beg you not to leave him. Therefore, both of you should make an appointment to see the family counsellor.


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