My Confession: I was too guilty to feel the Spirit in church


May 27, 2016

STAR, I am a Christian and I want to confess something I did way back in the day. Looking back at it now, I feel silly that I was so worried about it, but back then it was a big deal to me.

Like I said, I'm a Christian. You could call me a 'super Christian', if there was ever such a thing. I was born and raised in the church. My mother is an evangelist and my father is a pastor so the whole community looks up to me, and my sisters and expects us to live a very holy life.

This was very hard for me especially during my teen years, because I started liking boys and me couldn't get them offa me mind, especially the 'rude boys', who weren't Christians.

There was this boy named Rick* in my community. He was so cute. He was tall and slim with big dreamy eyes and some sexy lips.

He wasn't a Christian and he would go to parties, drink and smoke, and all those things.

Me know me shouldn't like him because of those things, but that's exactly what made me attracted to him.

Me couldn't believe say him like me too, because me a tell you him very good looking and popular in the community. All the girls them want him off. So, imagine how my skin catch fire when him call to me.

Me used to go to church every evening, even if nothing was keeping at the church just so that me coulda see him, because me neva allowed fi go anywhere except school, shop and church.

He would meet me at the back of the churchyard and we would talk. Him used to ask me if we could do more than just talk, and I really wanted that, too, but me did fraid and felt guilty.

Anyways, one Saturday evening we meet up at the back of the church and was there talking, then all of a sudden the electricity went away.

Me only feel when his lips touched mine and me get weak inna me knees. Me kiss him back and it felt amazing. All now me can still remember how me did feel.

After we finish me did feel so bad about it that me just run go home without saying anything to him.

The next morning was youth Sunday and everybody on the choir catch inna spirit except me.

Mi just stand up a cry, so everybody assume say a the Holy Anointing reach me, but really a shame and guilt a lick me. I felt so bad, me did feel like a breed me a breed even though it was just a kiss.

* Name changed

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