Caught mommy and ‘uncle’ kissing

Dear Pastor,

I am 18 and from I started attending high school, I have been keeping secrets for my mother.

She and my father were living together, but he was always travelling because of his job. I have a brother, but not by my mother. He was living far away from us, so we only talked on the phone and he used to spend time with us. I love my brother very much.

My mother kept another man with my father; the man was at the house every week. When he first started coming by, my mother told me that he was my uncle. One day, my father called the house, but my mother thought that it was one of my school friends on the phone. When my father asked me where my mother was, I told him that she was with my uncle. My father wanted to know which uncle was that because none of my uncles were supposed to be in Jamaica. So I told my father to hold on and when I went to call my mother, I saw her and my so-called uncle kissing. So I told my father that she was busy, so she would call him back.

My mother realised that I saw her kissing this man so, after he left, I asked her how come she was kissing this man if he is my uncle. She said everybody calls him uncle, that is why she told me so. My mother seemed so nervous that she begged me not to say a word to my father about what I saw. But, every time my father called me, he asked me if my uncle was at the house. One day, my father called me before I left school and he said he wanted to talk to me before I got home. He asked me to describe the man who comes to the house and to tell him exactly what I saw my mother and this man doing. He said it would be between us. My father warned me not to lie to him, so I told him that I saw her and this man kissing and my mother’s skirt was up to her thigh, so I could see her underwear. I also told my father that I asked my mother how she could be kissing my uncle. After that conversation, my mother told me that I am going to cause my father and her to break up. But I told my mother that I did not tell my father more than that.

My mother and I never had a good relationship after that. She did not ill-treat me, but she was not the sweet mother she used to be. Anybody who calls me on the phone, my mother wants to know whether the person is my father. He flew back to Jamaica without informing my mother and he did not sleep in the matrimonial bedroom. I heard my parents arguing and my father used expletives. He told her he was going to see his lawyer. My mother cried for days. My grandmother came to stay with us and she asked me if I had ever seen my mother and this man in bed and I told her no. My grandmother blamed my mother for everything. She said that my father was like a son to her and the man my mother picked up is a careless boy. The man never came around while my grandmother was at the house.

My father divorced my mother, but he paid my way through university. I did not do anything wrong, but at first my mother thought I knew more than I had seen when she and this man were kissing. I love my father. He does not travel as much as before and I spend lots of my time with him. He told me that he will never get married again. My mother is living with another man.

This so-called uncle that I saw her kissing was my father’s best friend

K.

Dear K.,

Your mother was extremely careless and has destroyed her marriage.

She knew that you were in the house and she was carelessly playing around with her husband’s best friend. If another person had told your father that she was cheating on him, it probably wouldn’t have hurt him so much. But he heard it from his own daughter that his wife was busy so she could not answer his call, only to find out that the reason was that she and your so-called uncle were misbehaving. I repeat, she destroyed her marriage and you are not to be blamed.

Pastor