My long distance relationship isn’t working


December 23, 2015

Dear Pastor,

I am a 25. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for four years. He is 23. He has been my lover, confidant and best friend.

Nothing was ever too good for him to do for me. He treats me with respect and dignity. He is the only man I've taken home to meet my family. They all adore him, especially my dad.

My boyfriend's family told me I am the only girl he has brought home to meet. I love his family. I have little experience where relationships are concerned.

I was a very reserved teenager who was brought up to be wary of deceitful men. Before my current boyfriend, I only dated one other guy. I broke off the relationship because he kept pressuring me for sex. I knew that I wasn't ready for the responsibilities that came with sex, especially because I was in high school.

Pastor, I am not the brightest, but I worked really hard to make my dad proud. I saw how much he struggled, as a single parent. He provided for me and ensured I was comfortable. I completed high school, went on to sixth form, and eventually graduated from University with honours.

I got a job as an administrative officer and have worked steadily for two years after leaving University. I, however, decided this was not enough. I needed to better myself financially. Pastor, I left Jamaica four months ago to take up a teaching job In Tokyo, Japan. This was where my world came crashing down.

I knew it would be hard leaving the man I love, but did not expect it to be this hard. During the four months that I have been here, we've hardly kept in touch.

I remember only hearing from him two times in one particular month. His explanation is that he is busy with school and work. He said if he focuses too much on the fact that I am not around, he will fall apart.

He is in University and works full-time with the Government. I know school and work take a lot of his time. I'm also aware of the time difference between us. However, if we are to be involved in a long distance relationship, we have to communicate regularly.

I might not be working and studying now, but I teach at three different schools. I have a very tight schedule as well. Pastor, I still try to make time for him and my family. Before I left, we spoke about me leaving and what it would mean for us.

The plan was for him to finish his degree and then join me here in Japan. In a recent conversation with him, he told me that he has had a change of heart. He does not want to move to Japan. He has fallen in love with the course he is pursuing and would like to seek work in that field instead of teaching in Japan.

I was devastated. I cried myself to sleep for weeks because this man changed his mind while I was half way across the world. I know that he has his own dreams and I don't want to be selfish. Pastor, do you think I have a reason to be angry with this young man? He made me promises. He went as far as to put a ring on my finger before I left. Are my emotions running away with me?I cry day and night because what we had was so good. I can't bear the thought of losing him.

He says I am to do my best and save what I can. He said he will do the same. We have US visas, and have talked about spending time together in the US, but I can't let go of his change of heart. I thought about ending the relationship, but I kept thinking about the four wonderful years, as oppose to the four miserable months. Pastor, do you think this is worth fighting for?


Dear Depressed,

I suggest that you perish the thought of ending the relationship with this good man. The distance is affecting the relationship, but you should try to understand he is going through.

Japan is about 14 hours ahead of Jamaica. When you are up and preparing for work, he is probably just going to bed. That is tough. I suggest you use social media to communicate more regularly. This may help.

Try to keep the relationship going. While in Japan, keep yourself occupied, but don't overwork yourself.


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