I’m afraid to cross the line with my best friend

Dear Pastor,

I am a 26-year-old woman and I am having some problems. My best friend is a man, and we attend the same church. However, people say that we are too close to be just platonic friends. These people have filthy minds.

This man and I have never gone to bed together. The thought has never crossed my mind that I should offer myself to him, and he has never offered himself to me either. We are the same age. Whenever I have a problem, I know I can call upon him for help. He is a really good Christian and a good friend.

My father asked me about him and I told him that we are just good friends. My father then asked if I was sure that he is normal. I asked him why he would ask such a question. My father laughed and said, “Normal men don’t behave like that; they always want a piece of the cookie.” I laughed, my father laughed too, and that was the end of it.

I do not know whether the friendship I have with this man will change. Right now, however, we relate to each other like brother and sister. I do not know why people are so quick to judge others. I have gone out with this brother and we have never even held hands or kissed.

I know that, if he meets another girl, our friendship will remain intact because this man has a pure heart and can be trusted.

I am still a virgin. I have never asked him whether he is a virgin. I have thought about asking him, but he might want to know why. If this man wants our friendship to develop into something deeper, I am not sure how I would react. But I know that some people would say they knew something was going on between us all along.

I would say to you, Pastor, that what is going on between us is a pure and decent friendship and nothing more.

Do I love this man? The answer is yes.

Would I consider having him as my husband? The answer is yes.

But it may feel very strange to become his lover. How would it feel to kiss this man, or for him to kiss me, and for things to go beyond kissing? If you know what I mean. I am trying to think straight as I write this letter to you.

Have you ever counselled anyone who tells you that she is not in love with her best friend who is a man?

Am I making sense to you?

H.

Dear H.,

It has taken you a long time in this letter to say what you really wanted to say. What you wanted to say from the beginning is that you love this man and would like him to propose to you.

People have accused the two of you of having an intimate relationship, and you insist that is not so. I understand that. But even your father has observed how close you are and has questioned you about the relationship.

This man is also being very careful. However, if the truth is to be told, you are longing for him to say the words. You love him, and you want him to be your man. Perhaps you are even getting tired of not knowing whether he will ever propose to you.

I wish this man would propose to you.

You would make a good wife for him, and he would make a good husband for you. So, instead of wondering and pining over him, why don’t you break the ice and tell him how you feel? Tell him that you have fallen in love with him and would like the relationship to go further.

I believe he would draw closer to you right away, and very soon the two of you could be married.

I wish you well.

Pastor