My man has no time for me


January 04, 2017

Dear Pastor

I am 19 years of age and decided to be in a relationship. I met a really nice guy. At the beginning everything was all right, until I noticed a sudden change in his behaviour towards me.

He started to give me less attention and the communication between us is just not good. I've spoken to him about it and he explained that he goes to university and is working at the same time, which I totally understand.

However, there are times when I come home from a long day of work and want to talk to him, but I can't reach him. He always says that I am selfish, and he asks questions like: "Do you want me to quit my job and university just to stay home and talk to you?" That, Pastor, is not my intention.

I asked him for a break, so he can sort out himself, and just focus on that for the time being because there are days he doesn't text or call me. I just think he was just being busy, but now it's getting to me. And nowadays if I bring it up, he misinterprets what I am saying, making me look like a bad person. My sister said a man can never be too busy for someone he loves unless he doesn't want to be with that person.

I am looking forward to your reply.


Dear S.C.

Your sister is very correct; nobody, whether male or female, is too busy to keep in touch with the one he or she loves. Some of us who had to study in institutions know how taxing that can be - attending lectures, doing research, writing papers and preparing for exams, etc. But the one you love is never off your mind totally, so this man is not levelling with you. You are not causing his stress. He is bringing stress on you when he ignores you and doesn't talk to you for days.

Family counsellors often suggest that when a couple finds themselves in love and one is going to school, the other should take classes too. Even if you are not attending the same institution, it is easier to deal with stress or the thought of being ignored, etc.

Having said the above, I hope that you are not expecting a whole lot from this young man. Both of you have to learn to communicate well. So, the next time you meet together, both of you should decide how much time you will spend together, whether on the telephone or in person. If, however, you have good reasons to believe that this guy is not communicating with you because he has another next girlfriend, don't waste your time on him. Move on.


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