He still won't marry me


January 09, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am writing you with tears in my eyes. I don't know what to do about my relationship. I am 29 and my man is 31.

I have never been married, nor do I have any children. My man has two children with two different women. He loves his children and takes good care of them.

He got the first child when he just graduated from high school. The child was very ill and his mother couldn't manage to take care of him, so my man took him.

The other child he got when he was living with a woman he thought was the love of his life, but, unfortunately, the relationship ended.

He kept his children because he didn't want them to be separated from each other.

When I met him, I wasn't attracted to him because I didn't want anyone with children or a non-Christian. Long story short, he treated me so well I fell for him.

I am a baptised Christian. When we started dating, he promised me he would come to church with me and give his life to God.

It has been two years since and he has only been to church once with me. He works six days a week and he takes Sundays off.

I always beg him for one hour to go to church with me, but he always says he's tired or has to wash or spend the day with his children.

I do love him, Pastor, and I know he loves me. He treats me with respect, he doesn't party, drink or smoke and he isn't a womaniser.

We are always together when I'm not working. We don't live together because I don't believe in shacking up.

He is always begging me to move in with him, but I only want to do one moving in and that's with my husband. I have the keys to his house, so I come and go as I please.

I want to get married and I want to do things the right way. He isn't used to the idea of marriage because he wasn't exposed to it in his family while growing up.

I was, and that has always been my dream. He also wants to have a child with me. I don't want a child before marriage. A few times I have given in and tried to conceive, without success.

As much as I don't want a child before marriage, I think something is wrong with me because we tried for about eight months and nothing happened.

I sometimes think it's a blessing from God because my heart's desire is to conceive after marriage.

I broke up with him a few times and we got back together after he promised to go to church again. Pastor, he isn't a bad person.

Unfortunately, being a good person isn't enough to save a person's soul. I really want it to work with him. We are both in good jobs and we are both financially comfortable.

I don't depend on him for money or anything. Our families get along and love each other, and they want us to get married and be one.

He keeps saying we will get married soon and I must not worry, but that is just not good enough for me.

What should I do, pastor?

Initials withheld

Dear Writer,

The decision whether to remain with this man or move on must be strictly yours.

He promised much to you, but he has not kept his promises. If you had not believed him, I am sure you would not have been intimate with him. It is indeed sad that he has not kept his word.

Perhaps this man wants to see you get pregnant before marrying you.

As you are aware, there are many men who feel that women have to prove that they can get pregnant before they marry them. Thank God that not all men think that way.

Again, I say that you will have to make up your own mind whether you are going to allow this man to use you as he pleases while you hope he would come to church and eventually marry you.

I suggest that you continue to make this problem a matter of prayer. You cannot force him to marry you, but God can overrule everything.

It is not right for him to punish you, because that is exactly what he is doing to you. You don't deserve to be punished.

You have my prayers.


Other Tell Me Pastor Stories