I was molested by my cousin


January 10, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I hope you are doing well and that God has continued to bless you. I am 21 years old. I am a recent college graduate and I did very well in school.

The problem is I didn't have much time for the opposite sex while I was in school because I only focused on my grades.

I have a great boyfriend now and his parents and extended family members love me a lot, but when it comes to sex, I am having a problem.

When I was younger, I was molested by a cousin, and I am wondering if it has affected me. I am afraid of intimacy.

When my boyfriend and I have sex, I don't feel any pleasure at all, none whatsoever. I spoke to my boyfriend about it and he tries his very best, but it doesn't seem to work.

What do you think is the problem and how can I correct it? It is really frustrating.


Dear V.P.,

The concerns that you have need probing. You said that you were molested by your cousin. How old were you at that time?

Did you tell anybody about it, and what was their response? Were you taken to a family counsellor for professional help? Did you go to a doctor?

How do you feel about men in general? When it comes to having sex with your boyfriend, do you often remember what happened when you were molested?

I suggest, therefore, that you seek the help of a therapist. If you don't, it is likely that this whole matter of abuse will always be in your face, so to speak.

A psychologist will help you to deal with this matter. I believe that what you have done over the years was to somehow put the abuse at the back of your head, but you have never dealt with it.

Now that you have a boyfriend and he wants to make love to you, everything comes to the fore, and you are not able to deal with it.

I will, therefore, send you the name and address of a psychologist to whom you may go for professional help.


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