Want to visit my cheating mother


January 11, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am just 21 years old and I have a problem that is bothering me. I grew up with my father, one sister and a brother.

My mother and father were not married, but they lived together. My father told us that our mother never loved him because he was too black.

She always wanted a light-complexion man, but she was only with him because he got her pregnant.

After she had the second child, he suspected that she was cheating on him.

So when she got pregnant the third time, he was not sure if the child was his. After she had the baby and he suggested that they get married, she said no.

At that time, he did not know that she got a visa; she had given her passport to one of her sisters to keep.

It was the week before she was leaving Jamaica that she told him that she was going away and did not intend to come back.

He asked her what about us and she told him that he loves us, so she knows that the children will not suffer.

Pastor, my father almost went crazy. He found out the man she was cheating with was the man she was going to stay with.

This man and he were very good friends and whenever he visited Jamaica, he would come to the house. My father did not suspect anything.

All of us were embarrassed when we heard that my mother got pregnant by the man and didn't tell us. We did not even know that she got married to him.

We want to see our mother again, but every time we talk about her, our father gets upset. We understand how he feels.


What my sister and I are hoping to do is to go away on a work programme, and we would like to go and see her.

We don't want to do anything to hurt our father because he has been a very good dad to us.

Our father has never brought in a woman to live with him and he did not sleep out. We suspected that he might have had girlfriends, but we do not know who they were; but he has never brought any of them here when we are here.

Do you think that we should tell him that we want to visit our mother? We do not know if she would want to see us, and we wouldn't want to go and displease our father.

He has not got over what our mother did to him. We love our father and we would never abandon him. We are only going on the work programme to help us pay for our tuition. He is very proud of us.


Dear I.N.,

Your father has not told you not to talk to your mother; I don't think he would do so, either.

Therefore, I am suggesting that you inform him that you would love to visit her while you are in the United States of America.

Your father is not a fool. He would not consider that going to visit your mother is an insult to him. What would be an insult is if you were to go and not inform him.

Therefore, let your father know early what you intend to do.

I am glad that you girls are having the opportunity to go to work in the States. Do not overstay your time. Do what is right so that you would be able to go back.

Before I go, I wish to say that your father has set his children a good example. I wish other men would do the same. Do well at school, get a profession and make your father proud.


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