My father wants to have a son


February 07, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am only 17 years old and I am having problems. I don't know my real mother. She left me with my father when I was three years old. That is what my father told me, and my grandmother confirmed that that is what she did. So I grew up with my father taking care of me and sometimes living with my grandmother.

My grandmother is still alive and is very kind. She is a farmer, so she took me to the grounds with her. She works hard, and she cooks her dinner in her field. The other people who worked for her helped to take care of me.

Sometimes my father would come and take me away from her. When I was six years old, my father found a woman, but they couldn't get along because my father was not satisfied with the way she treated me.

She had two children, and she would take care of her children and ignore me. My father used to support her children. They were girls. When she combed their hair, she would put in ribbons, but she hardly combed my hair.

One day, I heard tumbling in the bedroom between her and my father. They were fighting over me. So, my father told her to take her children and go. She packed up her things. When the truck did not come for them, my father put them on the veranda.

My father used to take me to school every morning. He said he was not going to live with any other woman until I was older. He told me to ask my grandmother any questions I wanted to know about my body.

My grandmother told me about periods and that I should expect them. I asked her, and she explained everything to me. So when my period came I expected it, and knew what to do. It came while I was in school, and some of the girls helped me.


Pastor, I am now 17 and my father has a girlfriend. She has five children. My father only has me. He told her that he wants a child from her, but she says that she does not want any more children.

My father would like to have a son. She asked him why a boy, and he said he wants someone to carry his name. A brother or sister would be fine with me.

He does not want to marry this woman unless she gives him a male child because the children she has are not his. My stepmother and I get along very well. She is nice.

I am doing well in school. My father is very strict. I love him. He is the best father a girl could have. I don't know where my mother is, and I don't want to find out.


Dear F.O.,

You have a good father. He has tried his best to show you real love and take care of you. When your mother left you as a baby, he made arrangements with his mother to help you. Your grandmother played her role. Give thanks for the both of them.

Concerning the woman who was involved with your father after your mother left; this woman was not smart at all. How could she have expected him to treat her and her children and well while she ignored you?

I am sure that your father made the right decision when he asked her to go. I can't blame him. She was too selfish. And he probably tried his best not to get with other women because he did not want them to come there and abuse you.

I hope that the present woman that he is living with has some common sense. He should not force her to agree to get pregnant by him. She already has five children. She cannot assure him that she will give birth to a male child even if she agrees to allow herself to get pregnant by him.

He may accept those children she has as his own. Right now, there are six children in the home, and I am sure that by now, that he has found out that it's very costly to support all these children. And if everybody is living together, that sort of responsibility is very heavy.

Love can be a very strange thing. One may wonder why he did not choose a woman with fewer children. Perhaps, however, a woman with fewer children would not love him and respect you as much as his present woman.

If your father intends to get married to this woman, he probably should not try to force her to agree to get pregnant again, but to accept her children as his.

He's worried about wanting another child. I admit, however, that he may feel unsatisfied by the thought of only having you as his biological child. I think I'll have to leave this matter alone right here.


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