Boyfriend has me eating rice and butter

Dear Pastor,

I am a 23-year-old woman living with my boyfriend. We both work and share the rent, with each of us responsible for half of the monthly payment.

However, for the past two months, he has not given me his share of the rent, leaving me to cover the full amount. When I asked him why he is not giving me the amount he should give me, he said he had to help his mother. This woman is living with a man, and I suspect that the man is not helping her very much. I don’t want the landlord to ask us to leave. I do not want to return to my parents’ home, because it is not convenient there.

My sister and I were sleeping on the same bed and my brother was in the same room. He had to slee on the floor. My mother is a trying woman but she really doesn’t have much. So, when this guy and I got to know each other and we decided to live together, I thought that my deliverance had come. The landlord agreed to rent the place to us because he said we looked like two ambitious people.

Right now, all the money I earned for the last two months was used up to pay rent, light and water. My boyfriend is telling me that I would have to pay this coming month’s rent. It is very hard on me. Sometimes I don’t even want to have sex with this man, because that is not helping me. Many evenings, I have to eat rice and sardine because I cannot buy meat. Things went so bad that I had to cook rice and put butter on it and have it for supper.

I don’t complain to anybody. I don’t even tell my mother what I am going through because, when I was living with her, she would always have enough money to buy chicken back and to make chicken foot soup for us.

I have never kept another man with my boyfriend, but other guys have offered to take me out. There is a businessman who is always telling me how beautiful I am. I know this man has money. He told me recently that, whatever I am in need of, he would give it to me.

Last Friday, when I didn’t have any money and I steamed some rice and put butter on it, I said to myself, ‘Why don’t I call this man?’. However, I resisted the temptation. When my boyfriend came home, he went into the kitchen and shared out his dinner; just the rice and he put the butter on it. I asked him how long we are going to suffer like this. He told me that, after next month, things will be better.

It is very hard to continue living like this. He tells me that he would like me to get pregnant, but I cannot get pregnant for a man who is not giving me money to pay the rent and to buy food. I had to pay for lunch where I am working, and lunch is over $800, but my boyfriend says I should be satisfied with that because at least I am getting chicken and rice.

Pastor, I am suffering. My boyfriend does not abuse me, but it does not seem as if he cares. If he does not give me his part of the rent for September, I may have to call this other man. I don’t know how you feel about this. Do you believe I should call this man? The landlord is going to need his money, and everything is coming out of what I earn.

What should I do?

C

Dear C.,

I want to begin by saying that I believe that you are a good girl, and that your boyfriend has failed to realise that you are a gem. You have been using most of what you earn to pay bills and to maintain the house. By your account, that has been going on for nearly three months.

Your boyfriend should realise that he has to play his part. As a woman, you have personal things that you must buy. This guy expects you to prepare meals, to pay the rent, and he has not been giving you any money.

I know you understand that he helped his mother, but all the burden of the rent should not be left on you. That is wrong. You have learnt to ‘turn your hand, mek fashion’, and that is why you steamed rice and put butter on it for supper. However, it is hard to eat that every day and expect to get proper nutrition.

Despite the circumstance, I am going to beseech you. Please don’t get involved with this man who has offered to help you. Don’t yield to the temptation! Remind your boyfriend that you expect him to give you half of the rent for September. Be firm about it. He should not take you for granted.

Pastor