Children don't want me to marry my younger boyfriend


March 02, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am a grandmother. I was married but my husband died five years ago. I said that I would never get married again.

I live in a four-bedroom house and all my children are grown and living on their own.

I have been having a relationship with a 40-year-old man. I love him and he says that he loves me.

This man is the same age as one of my sons. I have two sons and two daughters. Since he and I have been friends, I decided to tell the children about him because he is very upfront.

Pastor, they all told me they are not against him, but at 60, I shouldn't think about marrying him; if I am getting married, I should marry a man who is about 70.

But, Pastor, I tried a man who was about 75, but he couldn't handle the 'bed works'.

One of my children is a doctor and she told me that I will not be very strong in 10 years. When I am 70, the man would be 50 and very strong, so I should enjoy him now if I want to, but don't marry him.

Pastor, I would like to have a man I can marry, and this is the man I love. I want to go to church and take communion and not feel guilty.


He is very loving and caring. Even if I wanted to try the 75-year-old again, this man would not give me the chance to do so because these days he is always here.

I love my children. I don't believe they are giving me bad advice, but whenever I tell this man not to come around and he stays away, I call him and tell him to come.

I did not know that at my age I would feel the need for a man. Sometimes it is company I need, and sometimes I just want someone to bathe me and help me do a little bed works.

Tell me the truth, Pastor. What do you think I should do?


Dear E.W.,

Some folks would say that you are old but you're not cold. However, the truth is that although you might be considered a senior citizen, you are not old.

And perhaps you have many years ahead of you. I want to say to you that I have had the privilege of officiating at many weddings of women who are much older than their men.

Perhaps I can say it is the 'in thing'. Women who have lost their husbands by death or by divorce prefer to marry younger men. They are not interested in marrying men who are 'over the hill'.

And the younger men are happy because often these women have assets they can enjoy, primarily houses and cars.


Your children are only asking you to be careful. On the other hand, they are suggesting to you that you can enjoy the use of a man without being legally tied to him.

Your religious conviction does not allow you to do so. However, your daughter is quite correct. There is no guarantee that in 10 years he would love you as much as he does now.

He might even have younger women with you by that time.

I am not prepared to tell you what to do but I have said enough to cause you to think. At 60 you are hot, but perhaps too hot for your age. But I wish not to insult you or to condemn you.

Make your own decision.


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