My man got upset because I wanted to go out for dinner


March 07, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I was without a partner for about two years, and then I met a Caribbean person in August. I have a home. I'm a professional who is financially secure and I have two daughters; the younger one is 23. I was divorced years ago.

I thought that the guy that I met was the person I would settle down with and marry. I love him dearly. On Thanksgiving Day, I asked him if we were going for dinner. Normally, we would eat out one night per week. I had visitors at work, and it was rather stressful, so I was hoping we would go out for a breather for Thanksgiving.

On weekends, we would have dinner and I would make breakfast at my house. He would sleep over around five nights per week. I've never slept at his place even though I've been there about four times. He got so upset because I asked, "Aren't we going to have dinner?" He has refused to speak to me for more than a month now. He slept by me one night since. He said based on his experiences in past relationships, he thinks that I might be too demanding, like his exes were.

I don't want to bother myself. He was refusing to take my calls. He used to call me all the time. I went by his house to ask why he was behaving this way, and he refused to close the door while I was inside, and he almost asked me to leave. I just left and went to work. I'm done.

He is 50 and I'm nearly 50. I need a man who wants a real relationship, a person who is stable, financially comfortable, professional, healthy, unmarried, speaks well, is around 50 and wants to marry in the near future. I gave this relationship my all and this guy has messed it up. I just want to move on.

I need a man. I am going to screen them very well. They can reside in North America, Barbados, etc.

Thanks, and my best regards.


Dear A.W.,

Sometimes it is not what a woman says to a man but how she says it. I must tell you that you sound as if you are a little sharp with your tongue. Please, I am not disrespecting you. But when you said to the man, "Aren't we going to have dinner?", he felt that you were pushing him and that it was your responsibility as his woman to make sure that Thanksgiving Day dinner was arranged, whether it was at your place or somewhere else. I hope you get my drift. You see, you were dealing with a Caribbean man, and Caribbean people don't think like American people. When it comes to their food, their women must take care of them. Don't misunderstand me. American women love to eat out. Caribbean men would eat out also, but not as much as North American men. And even if the men can cook, on a day like Thanksgiving Day or Christmas Day, they like to eat their peas and rice and whatever with their friends at their house or at their cousin's, etc.

But having said the above, I must tell you that although this man is 50 years old, he is behaving like a spoilt brat. He does not give the impression that he has grown up. If both of you love each other, both of you could have compromised and not seek to have your own way. He has not treated you well and he should be ashamed of himself. However, if what you have written are the only problems you are having with him, both of you should go for counselling and start over.

You see, this man was partially living with you. Don't just throw him away like that. He is behaving as if he is still in diapers. Take time with him and watch your mouth.


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