I was molested repeatedly as a child


March 08, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am 27 and I am supposed to be getting married.

I grew up in the country, and ever since I was growing up I have always had problems when dating anyone.

I got molested when I was seven by the man next door, his son, and then by my stepfather when I was eight.

I was scared to tell my mother about it because she would beat me for every little thing.

My stepfather left me alone for a while. I got baptised when I was eight.

My mom left me to work in Kingston and I used to move around from one family to the next. I used to live with my father's sweetheart but her son molested me.

I told my big sister and when she told her mom, she said that I was lying.

I went to live with my grandmother and she used to beat me very badly to do the house work. I went to live with my grandaunt and it was the same thing.

I went to live with my father and he almost did the same thing to me, and when I spoke about it no one believed me.

So I dropped out of school and went to live with my mom, but she beat me for every little thing that someone would say I did.


I started working for a man old enough to be my dad and he tried to molest me also, and when he didn't succeed, he told my mother lies on me.

I started to go out and get things from them, but I just couldn't keep talking to one person at a time.

I was 16 when I ran away from my mother's house and lived with a friend, who helped me to get a job. But my mother found me a few months after and asked me to come home.

I refused so she got the police involved and I went home. But I only stayed there for a month and left again.

I have forgiven my father and my mother but I still can't keep one man in my life.

I finally told my man that I had cheated on him, and now he doesn't want to even have a conversation with me.

How am I going to get him to forgive me and for us to move on?


Dear V.F.

Let me begin by saying that those men who sexually abused you when you were at such a tender age deserve to be arrested, tried and put in prison for a very long time.

There isn't any doubt in my mind that whatever happened to you as a child has haunted you.

Having sex here and there with men became easy for you because of your experiences with them in the past, when you were a child.

You got baptised but the baptism was not good enough because the root of the problem was never dealt with. You have never had therapy. You needed to see a psychologist to help you deal with your problems.

Yes, God could help you, too, but the wounds remained. Your mind needed to be healed and for you to be taught how to cope with the abuse you have experienced.

Now that you have told your fiance that you have had sex with other men since you have been engaged, a serious decision must be made.

I believe that it is better to postpone your wedding and both of you go for professional advice with a psychologist. That may take months, but I will not encourage both of you to get married at this time.


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