Boyfriend's children don't want us to get married


March 14, 2017

Dear Pastor,

My husband died eight years ago, and from that time, I have not been with a man. When I turned 50, I decided that I would try another man because I didn't want to remain single the rest of my life and my two children are grown and on their own.

My children had a birthday party for me, and only close family members were invited. In a toast to me, my deceased husband's sister suggested, before everybody, that I should go out with men because she was of the view that my deceased husband would want to see me happy.

One of my husband's close male friends was there, so he invited me out. I wasn't excited about it, but I went. We sat at a table in the restaurant and he told me how much he used to admire me when my husband was alive.

I was so turned off. I told him to take me home and that I would never go out with him again.

He called me a few days after that. He told me that he was sorry for telling me that he admired me when my husband was alive. Then he asked me for another date.

I told him no, but after thinking about it, I called him back and told him I wanted to see a play. He took me, and we went out again and had dinner and drank wine.

Now, Pastor, you can say that we are lovers because we have been having sex. This man is very out of order when he is ready.

He tells me what any woman loves to hear like how is it that at my age I am as tight as a virgin. How could I be as tight as a virgin and I have children?

This man's wife died three years ago and they had four children together. I don't want what he has and he doesn't want what I have. We just want each other.

He is 62 and some of his children are against our relationship. I cannot continue to see him the way we have doing because I am very active in my church and I don't want my elders to read me out.

I would marry him, but I don't want to cause any problems on his side of his family.

I don't know how you would see this relationship and what advice you would give us, but we would love to hear from you.


Dear W.D.,

It seems to me that this man and you are very much in love and I would consider his children to be very much out of order trying to control his life.

Both of you are happy together. It took you a while to love this man, but now that you are sure that you love him, I would say, go for it.

I understand your concerns. You're a practicing Christian and you're active in church. You have to safeguard your testimony, so to speak, so if both of you want to get married, go and see a lawyer and do a prenuptial agreement.

I would further suggest that you let the children on either side know that the agreement will be made and signed by both of you.

So if there were objections because they believed that by both of you getting married they were going to lose their legacy, they should have no fear.

I wish both of you well and I look forward to hearing from you again.


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