Accused of sleeping with my sick brother-in-law


March 20, 2017

Dear Pastor,

I am in a situation that is challenging, and I am thinking of giving up. I am married and living with my husband. He has a brother who is 66 years old and not doing well. His wife is living outside of Jamaica, and this man has become very sickly. His brother and I are the only ones he has to take care of him.

He gets his little pension, but it is not enough to buy his medications and to pay his utility bills and feed him, so we assist. He has his house, but we don't want his house. He frets every day on his wife. She says she is coming every day, but she has not returned. We have our church brethren who go to see him, but he is not a member. We hope that by going to visit my husband's brother he will be converted.

His wife is complaining that I am having an affair with her husband. Whenever we talk on the phone, she is very nice, but people told me that that's what she said. My husband heard about what she said and confronted her. She said it is a lie, and that she never told anybody that. My husband said that it is his brother, so he will not see his brother suffer because, growing up, he used to help him and they are from the same mother and father.


Pastor, it is a good thing that my husband trusts me, because some men would have believed and stop me from going to his house.

Sometimes I have to make sure that the helper takes care of his house properly. And now my husband is saying that if his brother's wife does not come back by April, he will have to get a full-time live-in helper.

Whenever my husband asks his brother's wife when she is coming back, she says very soon, but she does not give any date. We are beginning to wonder if she has a man over there. My husband joked and said that maybe she has a man over there and she does not want to leave the man, so she is trying to find an excuse to stay by saying that I am with her husband. I don't need to take anybody's man because my husband is fit and well and I am satisfied with him.

The children do not contact their father (my husband's brother). It is only his daughter who came out two years ago to visit him, but she seems not to get along well with her mother. My husband and his brother are very close. He told my husband that I shouldn't worry about what people say.

But pastor, sometimes I want to know why people have to spread rumour so much.


Dear Unnamed,

Please continue to do good. I have often said that people would rather believe lies than the truth. You know that you are not an immoral woman. You are doing your very best to assist your brother-in-law. He is grateful for your help. Continue to assist him as much as possible.

His wife might have said something to someone about the type of relationship this man is having with you. She has denied saying that both of you are lovers. Perhaps, for a good relationship between the both of you, you should just accept what she says and leave it alone. Sometimes people say things in jest.

On the other hand, it is a very serious matter to joke about. If she said that in jest, she should know that people would believe that when she said it, she meant it. Your husband knows better. He loves his brother and he knows the condition under which his brother lives. He is happy to have you to minister to his brother and that is good enough for him.

This woman has not given any reason why she has overstayed her time abroad. Whether she has another man up there, you shouldn't expect her to disclose that to any of you. Time will tell if this man exists, but her behaviour will cause people to speculate on the true reason for her not returning to her husband.

I repeat, do your best for this man and encourage your church brothers and sisters to continue to visit him from time to time.


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